Jill Quote #812
Brad: You lied to Grandpa.
Jill: I didn't exactly lie.
Randy: Well, then what exactly did you do?
Tim: There's a very good explanation for this. What is it?
Jill: I'm really burned out from school. I need time for myself. But if I told that to your grandpa, it would have hurt his feelings.
Randy: So when we get older and we don't want you to visit, can we lie?
Jill: Randy, when your father and I get older, you won't have to lie because you're going to want to be around us all the time. Because we're gonna be just as cool as we are right now. Right, Tim? I'm dyin' here, aren't l? [they nod]
Tim: All you're missing is the headstone.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Taps’ Quotes
Quote from Jill
Jill: Heart attack? I can't believe this, I just talked to him, he sounded fine.
Tim: I know.
Jill: What about Mom? I should...
Tim: She's holding up real well. She's holding up real well. [Jill cries on Tim's shoulder] I booked you on a morning flight, OK? As soon I tie-up the loose ends here, I'll bring the boys. We'll head out tomorrow afternoon.
Jill: [cries] OK. OK. Oh, no! Oh, no!
Tim: It's OK. I'll pack. You don't have to worry about a thing. I'll do...
Jill: No. You don't understand. Dad called and asked if he could come visit here. I made up that story about how I was sick. How could I do that?
Tim: You didn't know this was going to happen. You just needed time for yourself. There's nothing wrong with that.
Jill: Don't you understand? I could've seen him one more time. I could've told him that I loved him. The last thing that I said to my father was a lie!
Tim: Hey, hey, hey, hey... [Jill sobs]
Quote from Tim
Minister: Come on, everyone. Who has a story about Colonel Patterson they'd like to share? [Tim raises his hand] Tim.
Tim: Oh... remember the first time that Jill brought me to meet the colonel?
Jill: Oh, yeah. I remember that.
Tim: When Jill finally left us alone, the colonel turned to me and said from the bottom of his heart, [deep voice] "Son, how much will it take for you to turn around and never come back?" But it was years later, he gave me the best compliment ever, he said, [deep voice] "Son, ten grand! That's my final offer! You can't handle the truth!"
Quote from Randy
Tim: Need help with that collar?
Randy: No, Dad. I know how to iron for a funeral. You just set the dial to "stiff."
Tim: Randy?
Randy: Yeah, Dad. I don't know why I'm making these stupid jokes.
Tim: It's OK. Sometimes making jokes is a way to deal with the loss of somebody. You know, that's how you grieve. I did the same thing at my dad's funeral.
Randy: Oh, yeah. I mean, now that you talk about it, I remember at Aunt Rita's funeral, you had some good jokes. And you killed.
Tim: The truth is, in these situations, you got to be careful who you make the jokes around.
Randy: Dad, I know. I mean, I would never say this kind of stuff around Grandma.
Tim: And make no jokes around your mom, or Mark, or anybody sensitive. Just do 'em around me.