Jill Quote #771
Jill: The morning of my wedding I was such a wreck. My sisters had to literally drag me kicking and screaming the whole way to the church. I was freaked out at the prospect of spending the rest of my life with Tim.
Tim: [sarcastic] Yeah. I don't remember you telling me this.
Jill: Well, I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Tim: So, you thought now would be a good time?
Jill: I'm trying to help Al out here. OK? Al, you and Ilene are perfect together...
Tim: Wait a minute. Hold it. Kicking and screaming?
Jill: Tim, I was young. I had my whole future ahead of me. What, you're telling me you didn't have any second thoughts?
Tim: No. But I'm... I'm having some right now.
Quote from Tim
Al: Look, can we stop talking about marriage and get back to faucets.
Tim: To wedding cakes. Let's start talking about wedding cakes, how about that? Women want those cakes that are tiered, like Aztec sacrificial altars, right? And on the top... the bride and groom in the penthouse. Holding hands and smiling. [snorts] What's that about?
Al: It symbolizes the joy of marriage.
Tim: A man's wedding cake would show what marriage is really like. Heidi, the man's wedding cake, please.
[Heidi wheels out a tiered care which features a groom and bride in a boxing ring. Tim and Heidi battle them like Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots]
Quote from Tim
Al: Anyway, on today's show we're gonna be talking about replacing your old bathroom fixtures with new ones.
Tim: Now, you might want to select these and install them when the wife's out of the house. Otherwise, you might end up with... [crows] ...one of these. [continues crowing] Who wants tap water coming out of a Klingon bird of prey, huh? Women, that's who. Women tend to overdo everything. Bathrooms, weddings...
Al: Now, how can you compare bathrooms and weddings?
Tim: Well, during my wedding, I spent most of the time in the bathroom.
Quote from Back in the Saddle Shoes Again
Tim: Well, let me ask you a question. Have you ever wished that you'd married somebody as smart as you?
Jill: You think I'm smarter than you?
Jill: Well, that just shows how smart you are.
Tim: You didn't answer the question.
Jill: Do I ever wish that I married somebody else? Why would I wanna marry anybody else? You're funny, you're sexy, creative, you take chances, and you're definitely not afraid to be wrong. I'm perfectly happy being married to a man who thinks that PBS is something that women get once a month.
Tim: What I said was, "Once a month is enough for PBS." And way too much for the other thing.
Quote from Room at the Top
Jill: Yeah, well this is only about ten percent of my problems. The other 90 percent... I'm married, too. You see, my husband, he's going through this sort of midlife crisis thing, you know, "Who am I? Where am I? Should I grow a beard? Should I buy a hunting lodge?" And then... And then... And then today, Brad spilled a soda on my paper, Mark's asking for skulls, and before I knew it, I was asking my husband to start construction on an office.
Dr. Breen: What's- What's wrong with your husband building you an office?
Jill: I'm married to Tim Taylor.
Dr. Breen: Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor?
Jill: Yeah, and maybe you'd better switch to a tape recorder here.
Dr. Breen: I hope I have enough batteries.