Tim Quote #2337
Quote from Tim in No Place Like Home
Tim: [over radio] Breaker, breaker.
Man: Go ahead, Murray.
Tim: You got The Tool Man about 55 miles outside of the Motor City. Come back.
Man: I'm at your front door about two yardsticks. Watch out for the road pizza in the granny.
Jill: "Road pizza in the granny?"
Tim: Dead animal in the slow lane. Come on!
Jill: How do you know that?
Tim: 'Cause every time I get a haircut I read Big Rig Digest.
Tim: Okay, in about 30, I'm gonna need a motion lotion and a pickle park. Come back. [to Jill] That's a restaurant and a gas station.
Man: There's a gas station just ahead of you. I'll have to get back to you on the hookers.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘No Place Like Home’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: You know, closing up the old childhood home can be a traumatic thing. I know it was for me.
Tim: A lot of memories?
Wilson: Yeah, they're still vivid. Waking up to the sound of a hyena laughing. The sweet smell of hay as the zebra grazed. The sight of a mother rhinoceros feeding her calf.
Tim: Uh, you... you were raised in Africa?
Wilson: Chicago. In an apartment overlooking the zoo.
Quote from Tim
Jill: How are you, honey?
Tim: I'm good. I was just thinking how much I'm like this house.
Marty: You mean you both have old, leaky pipes?
Tim: I'm speaking metaphorically.
Jeff: Metaphorically? You actually know what that means?
Tim: I have a neighbor who explains stuff like this to me.
Quote from Wilson
Tim: So, Wilson, what are you doing?
Wilson: Well, Tim, I'm carving a nativity scene out of giant radishes. What do you think of my Three Wise Men?
Tim: I think they should come bearing onion dip.
Wilson: [chuckles] See, this is part of the Mexican custom of Noche de Rabanos.
Tim: Um... Night of the Bathroom?
Wilson: No, no, no, no, no, Tim. Night of the Radishes. You see, every Christmas, farming families would head into town and display their tuberous creations.