Tim Quote #2337
Tim: [over radio] Breaker, breaker.
Man: Go ahead, Murray.
Tim: You got The Tool Man about 55 miles outside of the Motor City. Come back.
Man: I'm at your front door about two yardsticks. Watch out for the road pizza in the granny.
Jill: "Road pizza in the granny?"
Tim: Dead animal in the slow lane. Come on!
Jill: How do you know that?
Tim: 'Cause every time I get a haircut I read Big Rig Digest.
Tim: Okay, in about 30, I'm gonna need a motion lotion and a pickle park. Come back. [to Jill] That's a restaurant and a gas station.
Man: There's a gas station just ahead of you. I'll have to get back to you on the hookers.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: You know, closing up the old childhood home can be a traumatic thing. I know it was for me.
Tim: A lot of memories?
Wilson: Yeah, they're still vivid. Waking up to the sound of a hyena laughing. The sweet smell of hay as the zebra grazed. The sight of a mother rhinoceros feeding her calf.
Tim: Uh, you... you were raised in Africa?
Wilson: Chicago. In an apartment overlooking the zoo.
Quote from Tim
Jill: How are you, honey?
Tim: I'm good. I was just thinking how much I'm like this house.
Marty: You mean you both have old, leaky pipes?
Tim: I'm speaking metaphorically.
Jeff: Metaphorically? You actually know what that means?
Tim: I have a neighbor who explains stuff like this to me.
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.