Tim Quote #2308
Quote from Tim in The Wood, the Bad and the Hungry
Al: Tim, what time do you want me and Ilene to come over for Thanksgiving dinner?
Tim: Well, dinner's at three. So why don't you guys show up at 6, 6:30?
Harry: [laughs] Oh, yeah. You know what? That reminds me. Benny's looking for you. He's waiting for his Thanksgiving invite.
Tim: Well, I don't know how to tell him, but he's not getting invited this year.
Al: You're not inviting Benny? How come?
Tim: Well, why is it my turn every year? Last year he ate 12 pounds of turkey, he drank out of the gravy boat then bobs for marshmallows in the sweet potatoes.
Marty: You did the same thing.
Tim: My house.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘The Wood, the Bad and the Hungry’ Quotes
Quote from Al
Ilene: I can't believe we felt sorry for him.
Al: Me neither. He's just a freeloading... scalawag!
Tim: Scalawag?! Watch your language. There's children here.
Quote from Harry
Benny: What's everybody else doing?
Marty: [stammering] I'm going to the in-laws.
Harry: Dining with my wife's evil twin.
Quote from Tim
Tim: A happy Thanksgiving to all of you. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. Of course you all know my assistant, Al Borland. [cheering]
Al: Thank you. Well, Thursday is Thanksgiving. A day when a man can enjoy the companionship of friends and family.
Tim: Yeah, yeah. Yadda-yadda-yadda-yadda. To a man, Thanksgiving means two things: Really sharp knives and carving up that bird. Am I right?
Al: That's right. And today, Tim and I will introduce our first annual Tool Time turkey-carving race.
Tim: That's right. It's the Butterball... [gobbling] ...Five Hundred. And in the starting grid with us today, we have two of the fastest men. Let's give a warm Tool Time welcome to our special guests, Michael and Mario Andretti! [car revving] [cheering]
Mario Andretti: I had the line, Michael.
Michael Andretti: You squeezed me, Dad.
Tim: Michael and Mario are in town for a tribute to the late Jim Chapman, a great racing icon. OK, guys, you all set?
Michael Andretti: All set.
Al: Well, you guys may know lndy cars, but nobody can beat my bird.
Tim: [blows raspberry, laughs] Right, Al! Look at this baby. A 20-pound tom turkey, free-range, butter-injected.
[grunts]
Al: We'll see about that. Calling today's turkey race is Indy car announcer, Jack Arute.
Tim: All right! [cheering] Welcome to Tool Time.
Jack Arute: OK, gentlemen! [rock plays] [Arute] Ready? Start your turkeys! Michael Andretti is in the poultry position. But look! Mario's already got a wing off. Al's not doing bad with his bird. And Tim... is the slowest turkey-carver I've ever seen. Look at the way Michael Andretti attacks that thigh. Mario's no slouch with a drumstick. And look! Al's already down to the white meat. Folks, Tim is already out of contention...
[Tim starts carving his turkey with a chainsaw]