Tim Quote #2207
Quote from Tim in Al's Video
Tim: I can't play now. I gotta do my research. I'm directing my first "how-to" video.
Jill: Oh, that's great. Is that for Binford?
Tim: No, it's kind of a low-budget company Al got hooked up with. But if I do the video right, I might be able to sell Binford on doing "how-to" videos. I could be the next Hitchcock.
Jill: Tim, Alfred Hitchcock didn't direct any "how-to" videos.
Tim: Not Alfred Hitchcock. Herb Hitchcock! He's famous. The first one: How to Make a Cabinet. How to Repair a Rock. That was a great one. How to Make a Table. Oh, my favorite. How to Make a Table, Part Deux.
Jill: Isn't that the one you forced me to watch on our wedding night?
Tim: No, that was What to do About a Squeaky Bed.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Al's Video’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: You know, Tim, this reminds me of a famous quote by Aristotle. "He who has not learned to obey cannot be a great leader."
Tim: I should have let him do it his way. I had this vision. I was gonna do something magnificent, trying to emulate the great Hitchcock.
Wilson: Alfred or Herb?
Tim: The director! Herb.
Wilson: No, no, no, no, Tim. You don't want to emulate Herb Hitchcock.
Tim: Yes, I do. He was fabulous.
Wilson: Well, he was kicked out of the business...
Tim: Oh, that's what everybody says.
Wilson: ...for going wildly over budget. He hired a cast of thousands for the staining scene in How to Make a Table part three.
Tim: It was brilliant. Staining a table during a chariot race. Come on!
Quote from Harry
Al: Hey, guys. Guess what? I have just been asked to star in my very own video!
Harry: [chuckling] The Al Borland Workout? Abs of Flab.
Tim: That's something you want to see, Al in a thong. "All right, girls, two, three... Watch those carbs. Come on. Late night snacks, that's a no-no."
Quote from Harry
Harry: Hey, can I be in your video?
Tim: We never put you on Tool Time. Why would Al put you in a video?
Harry: Well, I got a lot of experience in dinner theater.
Tim: You were an actor?
Harry: No, a waiter.