Jill: It just goes totally against my instincts. I mean, when my kid has a problem, I just want to rush in and fix it.
Wilson: But if Randy learns to fend for himself now, then when he's an adult he'll be more independent.
Jill: Well, who better to help him be independent than his mother?
Wilson: Oh, Jill, I know this is rough on you, but Randy will get through this. In the words of the famous German philosopher Friedrich Nietzche, "That which does not destroy me only makes me stronger".
Jill: What did Nietzche know? He wasn't a mother.
Wilson: Jill, maybe you're being just a wee bit overprotective.
Jill: Oh, what do you know? You're not a mother either.
Wilson: Well, thanks for stopping by. It's always a pleasure.

Jill: You, uh, happen to have anything for a broken heart? Randy is devastated because this girl that he really likes is going out with somebody else.
Wilson: Ah. Mm-hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Oh, I know how painful that can be. I'll never forget losing my first love, Debbie Ann. We were in fourth grade. I guess we were about nine years of age. We were inseparable until one day at the playground we had a big fight.
Jill: About what?
Wilson: Well, I was a big believer in laissez-faire capitalism, and she was a neo-Marxist.
Jill: Kids.
Wilson: Mm-hmm. True.

Randy: So, you're saying I might still have a chance with Lauren.
Jill: Honey, if there's hope for me to cook a decent meal, there's hope for you and Lauren.
Randy: So, you're saying there's no hope?
Jill: All right, all right. Try this. Come on.
Randy: Wow. That's... That's fantastic. It tastes like food.