Tim Quote #2084
Quote from Tim in Shopping Around
Mr. Leonard: Let's start with the gutters. Now, I've cut these pieces with an old-fashioned hack saw.
Tim: Right. Now we can attach the gutters to our fascia board using this bad boy. The Binford C02-powered nail gun. [grunts] Oh, yeah! This will shoot a thousand eight-penny nails, galvanized, in an hour.
Mr. Leonard: All right. Hold your horses!
Tim: No, Mr. Bond. You hold your horses.
Mr. Leonard: First we have to pop-rivet the joints. Now, the rivets will not be complete until they're actually... [Tim fires the nail gun] Ah! Ah! Oh! Oh-ho!
Al: You shot Mr. Leonard in the butt?
Tim: Yes. That's exactly why you shouldn't play around with a nail gun! Just calm down, I'm trained in first aid. I'll need a claw hammer, a vacuum hose, some Band-Aids and a magnet.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Shopping Around’ Quotes
Quote from Al
Al: It's gonna be great having you on the show, Wilson. You know, your sculptures are incredible.
Wilson: Well, thank you, Al. Ever since I was a young lad, it was always a dream of mine to create metal headwear.
Al: Well, ever since I started working with Tim, it's been a dream of mine to wear metal headwear.
Quote from Tim
Al: Well, you have a lot of hammers to choose from. This here is a ballpeen. This is a bumping hammer. Which one would you prefer?
Mr. Leonard: Well, actually, Al, I like to use both of them.
Tim: So, one hammer's not good enough for you?
Mr. Leonard: No, no, it isn't. Each hammer gives you something different.
Tim: Well, you know, there's a lot of good solid folks out there that think you should pick one hammer and stick with that.
Mr. Leonard: Well, I think they're crazy. I even use a riveting hammer. Sometimes I use a rubber mallet.
Tim: You'll just hammer with anything, won't you?
Mr. Leonard: What the hell are you talking about?
Tim: I'm talking about a guy I thought I knew. Not a guy that goes and picks up tools in restaurants and makes out with them.
Mr. Leonard: What?
Al: All right. OK. Well, I think it's time for another break. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: I thought Mr. Leonard was dating your mother.
Tim: That's what I thought. Last night I saw him kissing some other woman in a restaurant.
Wilson: Hmm. Well, it seems to me that Mr. Leonard probably has a problem with monogamy.
Tim: I don't care what kind of wood he uses. This guy's a role model, I've looked up to this guy.
Wilson: Well, Tim, I'm reminded of what the English essayist, Samuel Johnson, said about teachers of morality. Oftentimes they discourse like angels. But more often, they live like men.
Tim: The only problem is my mom's never been happier.