Tim Quote #2084
Quote from Tim in Shopping Around
Mr. Leonard: Let's start with the gutters. Now, I've cut these pieces with an old-fashioned hack saw.
Tim: Right. Now we can attach the gutters to our fascia board using this bad boy. The Binford C02-powered nail gun. [grunts] Oh, yeah! This will shoot a thousand eight-penny nails, galvanized, in an hour.
Mr. Leonard: All right. Hold your horses!
Tim: No, Mr. Bond. You hold your horses.
Mr. Leonard: First we have to pop-rivet the joints. Now, the rivets will not be complete until they're actually... [Tim fires the nail gun] Ah! Ah! Oh! Oh-ho!
Al: You shot Mr. Leonard in the butt?
Tim: Yes. That's exactly why you shouldn't play around with a nail gun! Just calm down, I'm trained in first aid. I'll need a claw hammer, a vacuum hose, some Band-Aids and a magnet.
More Home Improvement Quotes
‘Shopping Around’ Quotes
Quote from Al
Al: It's gonna be great having you on the show, Wilson. You know, your sculptures are incredible.
Wilson: Well, thank you, Al. Ever since I was a young lad, it was always a dream of mine to create metal headwear.
Al: Well, ever since I started working with Tim, it's been a dream of mine to wear metal headwear.
Quote from Tim
Al: Well, you have a lot of hammers to choose from. This here is a ballpeen. This is a bumping hammer. Which one would you prefer?
Mr. Leonard: Well, actually, Al, I like to use both of them.
Tim: So, one hammer's not good enough for you?
Mr. Leonard: No, no, it isn't. Each hammer gives you something different.
Tim: Well, you know, there's a lot of good solid folks out there that think you should pick one hammer and stick with that.
Mr. Leonard: Well, I think they're crazy. I even use a riveting hammer. Sometimes I use a rubber mallet.
Tim: You'll just hammer with anything, won't you?
Mr. Leonard: What the hell are you talking about?
Tim: I'm talking about a guy I thought I knew. Not a guy that goes and picks up tools in restaurants and makes out with them.
Mr. Leonard: What?
Al: All right. OK. Well, I think it's time for another break. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford.
Tim Taylor Quotes
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.