Al: Boy, it was awfully nice of you to invite me down for coffee. You haven't done that in a long time. Or ever.
Tim: I thought it'd give us a good chance to talk.
Al: Oh, yeah? About what?
Tim: Mothers.
Al: Oh, no. No. Oh, boy, I should've seen this one coming. You invited me down here to make fun of my mother.
Tim: No.
Al: OK, well, what's it gonna be today? More fat jokes? Oh, you've already done all those. How about her perspiration problem? Or maybe the way her jowls sway. Or how about the way the skin under her arms wobble?

Tim: What do you think?
Wilson: Well, Tim, I think that you may already know the answer.
Tim: I already have the answer?
Wilson: Yes. I'm reminded of something you told me a couple of years ago about your father.
Tim: What does my father have to do with this?
Wilson: Well, do you remember telling me that the great regret of your life is that you never got to know him very well?
Tim: Well, he died when I was 11. I didn't have the chance to get to know him.
Wilson: Well, your mom's still alive. You wanna ruin that chance with her?

Lucille: I'm taking us to our annual ice-cream breakfast at Leo's Sugar Shack.
Randy: All right.
Lucille: And what restaurant are we going to tell your parents we went to?
Brad: The Healthy Vegetable.
Lucille: Very good. And, Mark, if anybody asks, you had...
Mark: A wheat-germ omelet.
Lucille: Excellent. Brad?
Brad: I had bean turd.
Lucille: That's bean curd.
Brad: Oh. Well, they taste the same.