Tim Quote #1789
Randy: That's it, Dad. I've had it. I can't live with this little dweeb anymore.
Tim: Hey, it's not that bad. A little puddle in the middle of it. You can still read the outside of it. There you go. "The Senate today was rocked by scandal as two members... [mumbles]" Talk about your yellow journalism.
Quote from Randy
Tim: Son, your new basement room. Step in.
Randy: Whoa, Dad! This is great! A boy's bunker, a lad's pad, a kid's castle...
Tim: Hey, Randy. It's my show, OK?
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: You know, Tim, I'm reminded of the great Winston Churchill. He said you could take the most gallant sailor, the most intrepid airman, the most audacious soldier, put them at a table together - what do you get?
Tim: Throw in a cowboy and a policeman, you got the Village People playin' poker.
Wilson: No, Tim. What you get is the sum of their fears.
Tim: I don't understand.
Wilson: What I'm saying, Tim, if these men had been able to admit their fears, they would've realized there was no reason to be ashamed of them. [owl screeches]
Tim: Woo-hoo! That scared me.
Wilson: Oh, boy! It scared me, too.
Tim: And I'm not ashamed to admit it... although, I do have to change my pants.
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.