Tim Quote #1677
Randy: All right! I love Polish food.
Tim: I went down to Hamtramick Stan's.
Jill: You were supposed to get pizza.
Tim: Anybody can get pizza.
Jill: You didn't.
Tim: That's 'cause on the way to get the pizza, I heard the call for kielbasa.
More Home Improvement Quotes
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.
Quote from Chicago Hope
Tim: It's both of us, you know. I've been working so hard, you've been at school.
Jill: That's no excuse. I just read this survey. It said that that some couples, no matter how busy they are, still make love five times a week.
Tim: With each other?!
Jill: Yeah. Yeah, I'm serious.
Tim: Five nights a week? I'm surprised they have the energy for the survey.
Quote from Jill
Jill: You know, the last time you ate Polish food, you were up half the night.
Randy: And in the bathroom the other half.
Tim: That's because I made a pig of myself. This time I didn't order so much. These things look great. Oh, these are great. Brad, you've gotta try the duck blood soup.
Brad: It's all right, Dad. For lunch I had a chicken gut sandwich.
Jill: Well, I hope you're just not gonna stuff yourself again.
Tim: Once you get started on golabkis, it's hard to put the brakes on.
Jill: It's not the brakes I'm worried about, it's your full tank of gas.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Oh! You awake?
Tim: I think all those golabkis I ate turned into one big golabki. Ih. It's wedged between my head and my heinie, honey.
Jill: Go to sleep.
Tim: I can't. Do we have any of those little minty, chalky, chewy stomach thingies?
Jill: There's the liquid stuff downstairs.
Tim: Oh, would you go get it for me?
Jill: I didn't overeat. Why should I have to get up in the middle of the night?
Tim: 'Cause in a second you'll want to be getting out of this bed anyway. Oh.
Quote from Jill
Tim: Hey, what are you doing up, honey?
Jill: Ever since you woke me, I couldn't get back to sleep.
Tim: Oh, sorry. What happened to your hair? It looks horrible.
Jill: Well, excuse me. I didn't know I had to dress for your upset stomach.
Tim: Well, I won't look at you that much.
Jill: Thank you.
Tim: I was starting to feast myself on old Tool Times. Speaking of feast, are there any golabkis left?
Jill: If you even think about a golabki, I'm gonna file for a divorceki.
Tim: I wouldn't worry about other guys looking at you with your hair like that. Will you watch some of these Tool Times with me?
Jill: Well, I can't get back to sleep any other way.