Tim Quote #1516
Quote from Tim in Bachelor of the Year
Tim: All right, what's your English assignment?
Mark: Well, I have to do a report on the most interesting person I know.
Tim: [sighs] I was born in middle Michigan. It was an autumn birth. A breech baby, I was a really difficult birth...
Mark: Dad. Dad. I'm not sure you're the most interesting person I know.
Randy: I'm not sure he's the most interesting person in this room.
Mark: Maybe I'll do Wilson.
Tim: Wilson? Wilson? What interesting thing is he gonna tell you?
Randy: Well, how about his dinner with Einstein?
Mark: Wow! He had dinner with Einstein?
Tim: Really overrated guy. If he knew so much about gravity, how come his hair stood up like that? You should write the story about me.
Mark: I think I'll stick with Wilson.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Bachelor of the Year’ Quotes
Quote from Mark
Wilson: Mark, are you familiar with photons?
Mark: Sure. I slept on one at my friend Jimmy's house.
Wilson: No, no, I think you're speaking of futons.
Quote from Mark
Mark: The teacher gave me a tough one today. It's about money.
Tim: Hm. What's the problem?
Mark: All right. "Sam has $8. Billy has nothing."
Tim: Wait, wait, wait. Should use real money. Eight bucks?
Mark: Yeah.
Tim: Four, five, six... cool. All right, go ahead.
Mark: All right.
Tim: I'll be Sam. You be Billy.
Mark: Sam gives Billy, 50% of what he has.
Tim: That's $4. One, two, three, four.
Mark: Thanks, Sam.
Tim: All right. Now, Billy gives Sam, 50% of what he has.
Tim: That's two out of the four. OK.
Mark: One, two.
Tim: That's pretty simple. OK.
Mark: All right. Now, Sam gives Billy, a hundred percent of what he has left.
Tim: All right.
Mark: "...how much does Sam have?"
Tim: Nothing.
Mark: Exactly. Thanks, Sam. [walks away with the money]
Tim: Sam wasn't a real bright guy, was he?
Quote from Tim
Al: I must say I'm... I'm very flattered.
Tim: I must say I'm very frightened. Listen to this, "What woman wouldn't wanna cuddle up with Detroit's rugged Mr. Fix-it, Al Borland?" [Al chortles] "Along with his trademark humility, Al displays a quiet competence and an understated sense of humor." So understated, no one gets it.
Al: Obviously someone did.
Tim: Huh? "His big, beaming smile matches his big, beaming behind."
Al: It doesn't say that!
Tim: Well, it should.