Tim Quote #1515

Quote from Tim in Bachelor of the Year

Tim: All right, give me another problem.
Mark: OK. "Bill's car goes 40 miles per hour. Mary's car goes 60 miles per hour. How long will it take for each of them to go 120 miles?"
Tim: All right. What size motors do they have?
Mark: What?
Tim: Is it automatic or manual transmission? That's got to make a difference.
Mark: Dad!
Randy: The answer is Bill, three hours, Mary, two.
Mark: Thanks.
Tim: I shouldn't be helping you with your math homework anyway.
Mark: You're not.

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 ‘Bachelor of the Year’ Quotes

Quote from Mark

Wilson: Mark, are you familiar with photons?
Mark: Sure. I slept on one at my friend Jimmy's house.
Wilson: No, no, I think you're speaking of futons.

Quote from Mark

Mark: The teacher gave me a tough one today. It's about money.
Tim: Hm. What's the problem?
Mark: All right. "Sam has $8. Billy has nothing."
Tim: Wait, wait, wait. Should use real money. Eight bucks?
Mark: Yeah.
Tim: Four, five, six... cool. All right, go ahead.
Mark: All right.
Tim: I'll be Sam. You be Billy.
Mark: Sam gives Billy, 50% of what he has.
Tim: That's $4. One, two, three, four.
Mark: Thanks, Sam.
Tim: All right. Now, Billy gives Sam, 50% of what he has.
Tim: That's two out of the four. OK.
Mark: One, two.
Tim: That's pretty simple. OK.
Mark: All right. Now, Sam gives Billy, a hundred percent of what he has left.
Tim: All right.
Mark: "...how much does Sam have?"
Tim: Nothing.
Mark: Exactly. Thanks, Sam. [walks away with the money]
Tim: Sam wasn't a real bright guy, was he?

 Tim Taylor Quotes

Quote from At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.