Tim Quote #1204

Quote from Tim in What You See is What You Get

Tim: Thank you, Heidi, and welcome to Tool Time. I'm Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, and you all know my assistant - Al "Table For One" Borland.
Al: Need I remind you that I now have a significant other?
Tim: Oh, I'm sorry. It's Al "Table For Two" Borland. But if his mom's dining with him, it's Al "Table For Seven" Borland. "Al, where's the salad bar?" [moos]

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 ‘What You See is What You Get’ Quotes

Quote from Wilson

Tim: She had this computer simulation that showed some cosmetic surgeon's alterations to her body. It reminded me of when she was young, when I first met her. I kinda liked it. Then, like a bonehead, I asked what it would cost to overhaul her whole body.
Wilson: Whoa, major faux pas.
Tim: Major Faux Pas... Was he in the same campaign as General Wow?
Wilson: Tim, I'm not familiar with General Wow, but your situation reminds me of The Naked Ape. [Tim grunts] That is the one exactly, Tim. You see, The Naked Ape is a book which theorizes that men, like apes, are instinctively drawn to younger, more fertile women in order to propagate the species.
Tim: What's Mrs. Naked Ape attracted to?
Wilson: Well, unlike the male of the species, she instinct is be attracted to someone older and more experienced. Someone with more wisdom, sensitivity.
Tim: Wait a minute. What you're saying is if I explain to Jill it was just my instincts talking, I'd be off the hook.
Wilson: No, no, no, no, Tim. What I'm trying to say is you have to learn to understand your instincts, and then you won't be on the hook in the first place.
Tim: [grunts] Oh, yeah, sure.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Wow!
Jill: What?
Tim: Wow!
Jill: Are you saying you think I'd look good like that?
Tim: No. It was a general wow.
Jill: General wow?
Tim: The famous Chinese military guy, General Wow...

 Tim Taylor Quotes

Quote from At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.