Brad: Dad, here comes Mom!
Tim: No, no, no!
Jill: Hey, guys, it's really late. What are you doing out here?
Tim: We all have problems. We're waitin' for Wilson to wake up.

Mark: Here you go, Mom. Basil omelet. Happy Mother's Day.
Jill: Oh, that's so sweet of you, honey. Looks delicious.
Brad: And Mom, don't forget your basil butter with your toast.
Jill: Basil butter. Well, that's original.
Randy: If you think that's original, wait till you taste your fresh-squeezed basil juice.
Mark: We also made you coffee.
Jill: Is it green? [Mark nods]
Tim: And for dessert, fresh-baked basil cream pie.
Jill: I should've said I like diamonds.

Pete: Anyway, Timmy, there's no one more qualified than Les, and no one knows more about tools than Les.
Tim: No one?
Al: You heard him, Tim.
Tim: Oh, yeah? Then why does everybody call me "The Tool Man"?
Les: Because it's your show and you made up the name?
Al: I like her.
Tim: I'd be willing to stake my tool reputation against anyone.
Les: Well, how about me?
Tim: [scoffs] Les. Leslie. I wouldn't want to embarrass you. Anybody who challenges me, it always ends up the same way.
Les: [laughs] You lose?
Al: I love her!