Tim Quote #1065
Tim: I don't care what you say. I'd rather be ice fishing anytime than be stuck here with women and these. Gigi. Funny Girl. [fake laugh] The King and I. Come on.
Mark: Dad, what's The King and I?
Tim: It's some film about Elvis.
Quote from Tim
Jill: What did he decide?
Tim: What did he decide? He, um... Uh... He figured that since it burned down, it wasn't a good time to buy it.
Jill: Did you burn down Marv's shanty?
Tim: What is it with you? I walk through the door, you immediately accuse me of burning it down. Why? Why? Why?
Tim: Right to the ground. Right... Ashes.
Jill: Oh, no.
Tim: I'm sure he's got an insurance policy that covers a shanty clause in there.
Jill: Tim, there is no such thing as Shanty Clause.
Quote from Tim
Al: I can't believe you came up here without a change of clothes.
Tim: Well, I didn't intend on falling through the ice, Al.
Al: Everybody knows that when you come on a trip like this, you have to plan for every possible contingency. And with you, every contingency is possible.
Tim: Well, this contingency is your fault.
Al: Fine. Just lucky that I brought an extra set of clothes.
Tim: Oh, yeah. Real lucky. [takes the blanket off to reveal an over-sized flannel shirt and denim jeans] What is this? "One size fits Al"?
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.