Pete Quote #8
Tim: But help is on the way. To give us some grooming tips from the job site, we've invited those boys from Bay City, Michigan, back - the guys from K&B Construction Company. Let's give 'em a big Tool Time welcome. Come on, everybody.
Tim: You all remember Pete and Dwayne. You got a new member - Gus. Gus, what'd you do before you joined up with K&B?
Gus: Well, Tim, I spent nine years teaching 12th-grade math.
Pete: Dwayne spent nine years taking 12th-grade math.
More Home Improvement Quotes
Quote from Al
Tim: That brings us to the final segment here on Tool Time. You know, when men get done doing a real hard job, sometimes we don't look like we want to, right, Al?
Al: No, we don't, Tim.
Tim: I'm usually hot, greasy, sweaty...
Al: And bleeding.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Al has just cleaned this window with Binford's standard-size squeegee, perfect for daily jobs. For the big job, you might want to turn to Binford's mega squeegee. This can clean the windshield of a big rig in one stroke.
Al: And a storefront in under a minute.
Tim: And Al's mother's back in less than an hour. Now remember, if it doesn't say "Binford" on it, somebody else probably makes it.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: Well, Tim, maybe crying isn't your outlet. The shedding of tears is just one way that people mourn.
Tim: [grunts] Oh?
Wilson: Oh, yes. In parts of Mexico, the bereaved decorate the grave with smiling puppets, and then they eat chocolate coffins.
Tim: Melts in your mouth, but not in the ground.
Wilson: On the Solomon Islands, they hang the dead man's arms on his hut. And in feudal Japan, when a lord died, the ronin samurai would show their loyalty by disemboweling themselves.
Tim: Whew, talk about guts.
Wilson: Point is, Tim, when you lose somebody who's close to you, you have to find a way to mourn. It's what enables you to accept the fact that person is really, truly... gone.
Quote from To Build or Not to Build
Tim: Well, why don't we get started with that concrete? We gotta take our footing...
Pete: Excuse me, Tim. If we have just a minute, I'd... I'd like to read a poem. A short poem that I wrote for my mom. She'll be spending this Mother's Day up at Michigan State.
Pete: No. Uh, penitentiary.
Dwayne: Pete. This is neither the time nor the place.
Pete: She was framed, Tim.
Tim: I think, under the circumstances, we could drop our tools for a couple of minutes and give a salute to mothers anywhere, or anywhere they spend their time.
Pete: "An Ode to My Mother" by Peter Bilker. That would be me. "Who etched this tattoo In her purple muumuu? Mother, Mother. Who posted my bail Every time, without fail? Mother, Mother. And who rushed to the car With my severed thumb in a jar? Uh... Father, Father. But who sewed it back on When the doctor was gone?" Mother, Mother. Happy Mother's Day, Mom!
Quote from Bell Bottom Blues
Al: What does this have to do with stucco?
Tim: Nothing. But Tool Time's more than just home improvement. It's also about male improvement. I think it's time we took a little time out to talk about male appreciation. Like hugging.
Rock: Oh, bubba.
Dwayne: But, Tim, when you asked us to be on this show, you didn't say nothin' about no huggin'.
Tim: Well, it's OK for another man to hug another man, isn't it?
Dwayne & Pete: No.
Dwayne: I don't even hug my wife.
Pete: That's 'cause you can't get your arms around her.