Al Quote #114
Tim: That brings us to the final segment here on Tool Time. You know, when men get done doing a real hard job, sometimes we don't look like we want to, right, Al?
Al: No, we don't, Tim.
Tim: I'm usually hot, greasy, sweaty...
Al: And bleeding.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Al has just cleaned this window with Binford's standard-size squeegee, perfect for daily jobs. For the big job, you might want to turn to Binford's mega squeegee. This can clean the windshield of a big rig in one stroke.
Al: And a storefront in under a minute.
Tim: And Al's mother's back in less than an hour. Now remember, if it doesn't say "Binford" on it, somebody else probably makes it.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: Well, Tim, maybe crying isn't your outlet. The shedding of tears is just one way that people mourn.
Tim: [grunts] Oh?
Wilson: Oh, yes. In parts of Mexico, the bereaved decorate the grave with smiling puppets, and then they eat chocolate coffins.
Tim: Melts in your mouth, but not in the ground.
Wilson: On the Solomon Islands, they hang the dead man's arms on his hut. And in feudal Japan, when a lord died, the ronin samurai would show their loyalty by disemboweling themselves.
Tim: Whew, talk about guts.
Wilson: Point is, Tim, when you lose somebody who's close to you, you have to find a way to mourn. It's what enables you to accept the fact that person is really, truly... gone.
Quote from Dead Weight
Al: I was just thinking about my mother, all the great times we used to have. When I was a kid, she used to take us to the park. We'd fly kites, she'd push us on the swing. We'd spend hours on the teeter-totter.
Tim: I used to love the teeter-totter. Up and down. Up and down.
Tim: Well, they play it differently in different parts of the country.
Quote from This Joke's for You
Al: What, your little bell will send 5,000 volts coursing through my body? [chuckles] While he stands back and yells, "Remember the Al-amo!"
Tim: I just want you to press the bell.
Al: I know... It's just a setup, isn't it? It's one big setup.
Tim: It is not a setup!
Al: Soon you'll start in with the uncalled-for slams against my mother...
Al: How she always shops in the husky section. How she wiped out the all-you-can-eat salad bar.
Tim: Al, I simply came out here to put this thing together.
Al: Well, go ahead. Just say it. My mother is a big fat cow!
Tim: Goodness gracious, Al. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford Tools.