Tim Quote #889
Tim: Al has just cleaned this window with Binford's standard-size squeegee, perfect for daily jobs. For the big job, you might want to turn to Binford's mega squeegee. This can clean the windshield of a big rig in one stroke.
Al: And a storefront in under a minute.
Tim: And Al's mother's back in less than an hour. Now remember, if it doesn't say "Binford" on it, somebody else probably makes it.
Quote from Al
Tim: That brings us to the final segment here on Tool Time. You know, when men get done doing a real hard job, sometimes we don't look like we want to, right, Al?
Al: No, we don't, Tim.
Tim: I'm usually hot, greasy, sweaty...
Al: And bleeding.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: Well, Tim, maybe crying isn't your outlet. The shedding of tears is just one way that people mourn.
Tim: [grunts] Oh?
Wilson: Oh, yes. In parts of Mexico, the bereaved decorate the grave with smiling puppets, and then they eat chocolate coffins.
Tim: Melts in your mouth, but not in the ground.
Wilson: On the Solomon Islands, they hang the dead man's arms on his hut. And in feudal Japan, when a lord died, the ronin samurai would show their loyalty by disemboweling themselves.
Tim: Whew, talk about guts.
Wilson: Point is, Tim, when you lose somebody who's close to you, you have to find a way to mourn. It's what enables you to accept the fact that person is really, truly... gone.
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.