Al Quote #86

Quote from Al in Much Ado About Nana

Tim: Welcome back to Tool Time. Now, when selecting your wood for your deck, you want to use cedar or redwood, 'cause they won't rot or decay from the moisture.
Al: That's also why poplar is quite "poplar."
Tim: And once you finish that deck, you've got your springtime there. It's spring, Klaus. How about some springtime? [bird chirping sound] Spring, nice weather, the birds... Hey, hey, hey! [wipes his shoulder] You get your deck finished, you just kick back and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Right, Al?
Al: I wouldn't know, Tim. You're fruiting, I'm still laboring.

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 ‘Much Ado About Nana’ Quotes

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: You see, Tim, once the baby girl comes out of the mother's womb, she spends the rest of her life trying to separate from her.
Tim: They are separate. They live in different states.
Wilson: No, no. No, Tim, I'm talking about emotional separation. You see, subconsciously, Jill may feel that if she doesn't want what her mother gives her, she's being disloyal to the person who gave her life.
Tim: What? Why do women get so confused about this stuff? I lived in a family of all boys. We were very clear about our communication. If I wanted something my brother had, I'd knock him down and take it.
Wilson: Well, that's very effective, but crude.
Tim: Right. You know, I think I could help these two ladies out. If I could just sit them down and tell them exactly what's going on.
Wilson: No, no, no, Tim. Throughout history, many truths have passed from man to man, and the one truth that transcends all cultures is: "When mother-in-law visits, man should stay in garage."
Tim: [grunts] Oh, yeah, I got a lot of work to do on the hot rod. Might as well just close the door and start her up. [grunts]

Quote from Tim

Lillian: Those Nana jokes on Tool Time were the best motivation a fat person could have.
Tim: What jokes? I wouldn't make jokes about you on the air.
Lillian: Oh, you wouldn't, would you?
Tim: No.
Lillian: Well, does this sound familiar? What weighs 400lbs 2oz and sings in the shower? Nana holding a bar of soap.
Tim: That's funny, though.

 Al Borland Quotes

Quote from Dead Weight

Al: I was just thinking about my mother, all the great times we used to have. When I was a kid, she used to take us to the park. We'd fly kites, she'd push us on the swing. We'd spend hours on the teeter-totter.
Tim: I used to love the teeter-totter. Up and down. Up and down.
Al: Down?
Tim: Well, they play it differently in different parts of the country.

Quote from This Joke's for You

Al: What, your little bell will send 5,000 volts coursing through my body? [chuckles] While he stands back and yells, "Remember the Al-amo!"
Tim: I just want you to press the bell.
Al: I know... It's just a setup, isn't it? It's one big setup.
Tim: It is not a setup!
Al: Soon you'll start in with the uncalled-for slams against my mother...
Tim: Al.
Al: How she always shops in the husky section. How she wiped out the all-you-can-eat salad bar.
Tim: Al, I simply came out here to put this thing together.
Al: Well, go ahead. Just say it. My mother is a big fat cow!
Tim: Goodness gracious, Al. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford Tools.