Tim: Remember to make the final strokes with just the tip of your brush. That way, you'll end up with a beautiful finish, just like on this American walnut cabinet.
Al: Tim, it's not American walnut. It's English walnut.
Tim: Wrong, Al. That's American walnut.
Al: I don't think so, Tim. Pardon me. [lowers his respirator and sniffs the cabinet drawer] English walnut.
Tim: [sniffs Al] American bearded nut.
Al: I've trained myself to distinguish wood not only by sight and feel, but also by smell.
Tim: And smelling wood must come real handy at parties, huh?
Al: As a matter of fact, Tim, it does.
Tim: If you're a beaver.
Al: If you were lost in the forest in the middle of the night, you'd be grateful for this talent because you could sniff your way back to safety.
Tim: Or you could buy a cellular phone.

Tim: As you can see, I've got our three samples of wood laid out on the work bench. I will hand him them now, one at a time, and he claims he can tell us what type of wood it is just by smelling it. We shall see. Al Borland, name that wood.
Al: Tim, that's hickory.
Tim: Can you believe it, ladies? This man's single. Second sample. Al Borland, name that wood.
Al: Cedar.
Tim: Ha!
Al: Wait. Western red cedar.
Tim: You almost messed that one up, Al.
Al: Well, I'm fighting off a cold, Tim.
Tim: Well, this next sample... [Tim removes his shoe] should be a little bit more difficult to discern, Al. [Tim removes his sock and lays it on the wood] Might have to take a big old whiff of this thing to figure out what it is.
Al: Well, I'm up to the challenge, Tim.
Tim: I certainly hope so, Al. Al Borland, name that wood.
Al: [sniffs] Oh! Well, it's a hardwood from the Pacific Northwest. And... ugh. Well, it's... This particular piece seems to have some type of a fungus. [Tim looks at his foot] Well, uh... Uh... Oof. Let me try this again.
[Al is overcome as he tries to sniff the piece of wood, causing him to drop it on Tim's bare foot]

Wilson: Aristotle said, "Plato is dear to me, but dearer still is truth. Piety requires us to honor truth above our friends."
Tim: Yeah, of course. So if it comes up, I should tell the truth.
Wilson: Well, Tim, there's no easy answers. It's the age-old dilemma. The high road or the low road. The lady or the tiger. Door number one, door number two.
Tim: [grunts] Yeah. Firing squad, electric chair. It's all the same to me.