Mark: I'm ready.
Randy: Who are you supposed to be?
Mark: I'm Daddy. Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
Tim: Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Mark: Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
Tim: Right. Yeah.
Randy: You should have gone as Al. We could have gotten more stuff.

Jill: What have you been doing down there all day long? What took so long?
Tim: Come on, honey. Horror takes time. Besides, when Brad's guests get here tonight, they're gonna be down there with their hair bleached white, eyes bugging out with that look of horror.
Jill: That's the way you looked on our wedding day.
Tim: I shouldn't have lifted the veil.
Jill: Who told you to wear it?

Tim: It's Halloween and we all can't be as spooky as Al here. But we can cut ourselves some frightening jack-o'- lanterns.
Al: That's right, Tim. As you can see, I've ready carved my jack-o'- lantern. [Al's pumpkin features a portrait of Bob Vila] Although I've noticed you have not carved your jack-o'- lantern.
Tim: How perceptive of you, Al. Well, I could spend long, boring hours whittling away with an eensy-weensy carving knife like you. Or I could put some excitement into the pumpkin-carving process and sculpt my pumpkin using what?
Audience: More power!
Tim: Darn right, more power. I've cored and scored this bad boy. All I need now is a small explosion to pop the pieces out of the pumpkin. I've filled the pumpkin with natural gas, installed a small sparking device that's activated by this simple remote control. Don't try this at home, children.
Al: I believe that charge might be a little too...
Tim: Too powerful for you, Al? Too manly? A little too macho?
Al: No, all I'm...
Tim: If that's the case, Al, why don't you just cower and hide behind the desk here? [Al ducks behind the desk] Because this bad boy is about ready to go.
[After Tim presses the button, the front carvings of the pumpkin are blown out perfectly]
Tim: See there, Al. Nothing to worry about, buddy.
[When Al gets up from behind the desk, his face is covered in pumpkin guts]