Tim Quote #424
Quote from Tim in Groin Pains
Tim: Today we get to mess with a Binford 60-pound upright electric jackhammer. You know, Al, they say that breaking up is hard to do. Evidently, Neil Sedaka never played with one of these bad boys. This can make some real noise. 130 pulsating decibels of jackhammer. Ar-ar-ar-ar-oh-oh-ar-ar-ar.
Al: You're right, Tim. That's why we'll be protecting our hearing with these soft, foam-filled, plastic-cushioned earmuffs.
Tim: That's right, Al, and as any ZZ Top fan knows, hearing loss begins at 85 decibels. At 100 decibels you have your ordinary 10-inch table saw. At 120 decibels you have your 12-inch radial arm saw. And very dangerous, at 180 decibels, you have your unbelievable 68-inch mother-in-law. Just kidding, Nana.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Groin Pains’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Mark: Do you have to go to the bathroom, Dad?
Tim: I don't think I... I don't think I'm ever gonna go to the bathroom again. Oh!
Mark: What happened?
Tim: I pulled my groin.
Mark: What's that?
Tim: My very favorite muscle.
Quote from Al
Tim: What happened is I pulled a groin muscle yesterday at home. I went to the doc's this morning. He said I'm not supposed to lift anything heavy. So we have to change the format of the show a little bit today. You're gonna have to do all the work.
Al: And what would the change be, Tim?
Quote from Wilson
Tim: Well, Wilson, I'm confused. You know, I'm carrying this trunk of books and I find out she likes these books about all these guys with rippling muscles, you know, so I wanted to, you know, show her my rippling muscles and these guys end up carrying women off upstairs to ecstasy and I pull a groin muscle.
Wilson: Well, Tim, Tim, Tim, I think you've got something over these young guys.
Tim: You do?
Wilson: Uh-huh. Yes, it's best summed up in an ancient Chinese proverb. It goes: [speaks Chinese]
Tim: W-w-wait, wait... Is that Peking dialect?
Wilson: I am so sorry, Tim. It may lose a bit in the translation, but it goes: "A great lover is not one who romances a different woman every night. A great lover is one who romances the same woman for a lifetime."
Tim: That's something to think about, isn't it? Is there anything you don't know, Wilson?
Wilson: I don't know.