Tim Quote #410
Man: Excuse me. Aren't you... [grunts] [Tim grunts] Boy, do I love your show. Hey, tell me something, though.
That AI, does he really know more than you or is that just an act?
Tim: It's just an act.
Man: It's a good one. [grunts]
Tim: [grunts] Why don't you go and sit down at your table, fella?
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: Well, Tim, it goes back a million years. In order for the species to survive, Stone Age man had to seek out many different women.
Tim: Kind of a ménage a Flintstone.
Wilson: You see, Tim, there's something buried deep in your collective unconscious.
Tim: Yeah, my collective unconscious, yeah.
Wilson: Oh, yes, yes, yes. You still possess ancient man's primary fantasy to seek out many different women.
Tim: [grunts] Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Jill doesn't understand that.
Wilson: Mm-hmm. Probably because a woman's primary fantasy continues to be a meaningful relationship with just one man.
Tim: Yeah, but I look at women because collectively I'm unconscious.
Wilson: In a manner of speaking, Tim.
Tim: So, it's in my nature to look at women, that means it's OK.
Wilson: It's OK if you're on the Serengeti chasing a wildebeest with a club.
Tim: But I was in a restaurant in West Bloomfield with my wife.
Wilson: Well, then I'd call it downright rude.
Quote from Jill
Jill: Tim, it's 45 minutes to our dinner reservation, so aren't you going to take a shower?
Tim: Honey. I don't need to take a shower. I have a natural, earthy, musky scent.
Jill: Quit that!
Tim: No, really. Stick your nose right there and tell me I don't smell like a man.
Jill: Yeah, Cro-Magnon man. [Tim grunts] And I believe he was never fully erect either.
Quote from Tim
Jill: Then why were you looking at other women tonight?
Tim: Why was I looking at other women tonight?
Jill: Are you stalling?
Tim: Am I stalling?
Jill: Why do you look?
Tim: There's a couple reasons. You have your primary reason and then your secondary reason. Primary reason first, followed by...
Jill: Tim. Why?
Tim: Could you repeat that question?
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.
Quote from The Look
Benny: What's the look?
Tim: Oh, come on. It's just the most potent weapon in a woman's arsenal. Her face will transform right in front of you. Her lips get really tight like this.
Marty: Yeah. And then her whole face shrivels up. It's like...
Harry: Yeah. And then her eyes get real small and meet right in the middle of her head like a Cyclops in a housecoat.
Tim: Just when you think you can't take anymore, she lines you up and finishes you off.
Benny: Ohh! I'm never getting married. And not just because women can't stand me.