Tim Quote #276
Quote from Tim in Unchained Malady
Jill: Let me see, let me see. "Within 24 hours of receiving this chain letter, it must be sent to ten people. If you break the chain, you will have bad luck."
Tim: Oh, I'm shaking in my shorts. Look at this. Watch this.
Jill: Shake all you want, but listen to this. "A naval officer in Borneo disregarded this letter and three days later, he was decapitated."
Tim: "Naval officer gets his head cut off." You read it wrong. It says, "A head waiter got his navel cut off."
Jill: Don't do that. Why take chances? You don't know. This naval officer might have had his head cut off.
Tim: Honey, honey, don't worry. If you get your head cut off, I'll staple gun it back on.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Unchained Malady’ Quotes
Quote from Al
George Foreman: Well, if I'm going to hit that nail, Tim, I've got to get angry with it.
Tim: Huh?
George Foreman: So I'm going to close my eyes and imagine it's Evander Holyfield. You going to hold that nail for me?
Tim: Al, hold that nail.
Al: I don't think so, Tim.
Tim: George, hold your own nail.
George Foreman: I don't think so, Tim.
Tim: Lisa?
Lisa: [o.s.] I don't think so, Tim.
Quote from Jill
Jill: Honey, I was just making this list, and, you know, I don't think that all this bad luck is just because of that chain letter.
Tim: You don't, do you?
Jill: No, listen to this. In the last month, you have done the following. Backed a pickup truck into a house, almost electrocuted yourself three times, nailed your shoe into the floor, and glued your head to a table.
Tim: What's your point?
Jill: Well, the point is, it's not the chain letter that's bringing you bad luck. It's you. You're a klutz. Isn't that great?
Tim: Honey, I'm thrilled.
Quote from Jill
Jill: George Foreman?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Is he an athlete?
Tim: Yes, Jill.
Jill: I know who he is.
Tim: I know you do.
Jill: He's the quarterback for the Detroit Tigers.
Karen: No, no, no. No, no, that's Arnold Palmer.
Jill: No, no, he's a race car driver.
Tim: Ladies, ladies...
Tim: No, he's... Look...
Karen: Yeah, he won the Super Bowl.
Tim: [grunts] George Foreman happens to be the former heavy weight champion of the world.
Jill: Oh, wow. In what sport?
Tim: [sighs] Boxing. He's a boxer, Jill. Boxing.