Tim Quote #91
Quote from Tim in Nothing More Than Feelings
Tim: How long has the oil light been on, Jill?
Jill: Oil light...
Tim: The oil light. Next to the speedometer. A little red light with an oil can on it.
Jill: Oh, that thing. I don't know, two or three days.
Tim: Two or three days? It's a warning light. Didn't it occur to you there might be a little problem?
Jill: I thought if there was a problem with the car, that the light would get brighter or there would be a buzzer.
Tim: A buzzer?! It's a car, not a game show.
More Home Improvement Quotes
‘Nothing More Than Feelings’ Quotes
Quote from Mark
Mark: Mommy, I'm worried.
Jill: About what, honey?
Mark: If you drool and sleep on your back, won't you drown?
Jill: No, honey. Thank you for your concern. Eat a carrot.
Quote from Tim
Jill: Tim, the car is running fine.
Tim: It used to be running fine. Inside of a car is an internal combustion engine. Composed of many precision parts running at a high RPM. High RPM produces friction. Friction produces heat. Heat is dissipated by lubrication - oil. When the car didn't get the oil that it needs, it tends to seize up into a rock.
Jill: Are you saying the car's not running?
Tim: We now own a 4,000 pound, four-door boulder.
Jill: You mean I can't drive it?
Tim: Not unless you're Wilma Flintstone.
Tim Taylor Quotes
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.