TV Quotes

Brad: Mom.
Jill: What?
Brad: Dad's cussing.
Tim: I'm not cussing.
Mark: He said a bad word.
Tim: It wasn't bad.
Randy: Yeah, he said "hell" and "damn".
Tim: I did not say "damn".
Randy: Now you did.

Jill: Now, what are we gonna do about our boys' table manners?
Tim: You should give a refresher course.
Jill: Me? What about you?
Tim: [mouth full] Honey, I'm a man. What do I know about manners?
Jill: I see. So table manners are the woman's job.
Tim: Historically. Jill, yes, that's the case. Emily Post. Amy Vanderbilt. And, of course, who could forget Miss Manners? I don't recall an etiquette column called "Ask Chuck". "You know, Chuck, I've been eating pot roast all my life. Get that little gristle piece stuck in the middle of my tooth. Do you suck it out with the tongue or ask somebody to do it? Help me out. Haul that thing out."

Mark: Mommy, I'm worried.
Jill: About what, honey?
Mark: If you drool and sleep on your back, won't you drown?
Jill: No, honey. Thank you for your concern. Eat a carrot.

Jill: Actually, honey. I think that those guys at the mall are Santa's helpers, you know. The way that AI is Daddy's helper.
Tim: Right.
Mark: So they do all the work.
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: They assist Santa. Like AI assists me.
Mark: Oh, that makes sense.