Tim Quote #3171
Tim: Now look over here. A perfect example of a French Revolution guillotine.
Al: All right. I'm gonna play along about this fake arm. Okay, Tim! Now, you want to be very careful with this machine, you know? Because it can be very, very dangerous.
Tim: Does this look like a fake arm? Is this fake to you? It looks pretty real to me! Fake arm. It took two people to operate the guillotine. Mon Dieu. You put la tête in here.
Al: La tête?
Tim: And then you pull this here. [screams] The pain! The pain!
Al: Are you happy now? Can we go on with the rest of the show?
Tim: I need to scare somebody. Didn't it scare anybody?
Al: Oh, well, I... Yes, I was... I'm sure our audience was terrified. Let's have a big hand for Tim "The Scary Man" Taylor! That was very scary! As a matter of fact, let's have a hand for his big, stupid, fat...
[Al screams as he goes to grab Tim's plastic hand and a hand grabs him]
Tim: I'm the king, baby! I'm the king!
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Bewitched’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Detective Roberts: Do we have anything to link her to the crime scene? A black cat? A broom?
Tim: How about her amulet that she wore around her neck? It's right here. Hey, look at that. It's my fez. I've been looking all over for this thing.
Detective Roberts: Your fez? What happened to the amulet?
Tim: Well... I had it in my hand.
Detective Roberts: You tampered with the crime scene?
Tim: I did not know it was a crime. I did not know it at the time.
Detective Roberts: Dr. Seuss claims there was a witch.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Guys, guys, forget about me. Shouldn't we be looking for Wilson?
Detective Roberts: Yeah. We'll get that in motion as soon as you give us some more information. Now, look, Tim. Can I call you Tim?
Tim: I'd like that.
Detective Roberts: You really had no idea about your neighbor's financial situation?
Tim: No, no. I mean, he's a real simple guy. He eats squirrel. And he's been wearing the same hat for 15 years.
Quote from Wilson
Tim: I'm innocent. I've been framed, here. Honey, say something about...
Agatha: We just need a positive ID on the body.
Tim: Body?
Agatha: Bring it in. [the sheet is pulled back to the end of Wilson's nose]
Detective MacIntyre: Is this Mr. Wilson?
Jill: Oh, God! Yeah.
Brad: Why'd you do it, Dad?
Tim: I didn't do anything.
Wilson: Boo! [Tim screams] [everyone else cheers and laughs] He never saw it coming! Got ya!
Heidi: You are the king.
Wilson: I am the king!