Tim Quote #3170
Tim: Can we take a look at our first device over here?
Al: What's wrong with your hands?
Tim: Nothing. Nothing at all. Just fell asleep backstage. I'll do this... [hammers his "hand"] Probably be up all night now. All right. Now, look at this. You don't see craftsmanship like this anymore.
Al: Thank goodness! This happens to be a rack. It was used to pull people apart.
Tim: But not today! Today it's a lovely fabric stretcher. Just follow me. Let's say you've shrunk your wife's favorite sweater, right? A few cranks on this bad boy, it is good as new.
Al: If your wife happens to be an orangutan.
Tim: Don't rule it out, buddy. Your old clock is ticking, Al. And I mean that in a very nice way.
Al: You know, I'm not falling for this ridiculously fake arm for one second!
Tim: What are you talking about, fake arms? I have a pinched nerve. You laughing at that? Never mind him.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Bewitched’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Detective Roberts: Do we have anything to link her to the crime scene? A black cat? A broom?
Tim: How about her amulet that she wore around her neck? It's right here. Hey, look at that. It's my fez. I've been looking all over for this thing.
Detective Roberts: Your fez? What happened to the amulet?
Tim: Well... I had it in my hand.
Detective Roberts: You tampered with the crime scene?
Tim: I did not know it was a crime. I did not know it at the time.
Detective Roberts: Dr. Seuss claims there was a witch.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Guys, guys, forget about me. Shouldn't we be looking for Wilson?
Detective Roberts: Yeah. We'll get that in motion as soon as you give us some more information. Now, look, Tim. Can I call you Tim?
Tim: I'd like that.
Detective Roberts: You really had no idea about your neighbor's financial situation?
Tim: No, no. I mean, he's a real simple guy. He eats squirrel. And he's been wearing the same hat for 15 years.
Quote from Wilson
Tim: I'm innocent. I've been framed, here. Honey, say something about...
Agatha: We just need a positive ID on the body.
Tim: Body?
Agatha: Bring it in. [the sheet is pulled back to the end of Wilson's nose]
Detective MacIntyre: Is this Mr. Wilson?
Jill: Oh, God! Yeah.
Brad: Why'd you do it, Dad?
Tim: I didn't do anything.
Wilson: Boo! [Tim screams] [everyone else cheers and laughs] He never saw it coming! Got ya!
Heidi: You are the king.
Wilson: I am the king!