Tim Quote #3147
Tim: I don't want you to miss the opportunity for an education because you're afraid of messing up.
Brad: Well, don't you ever worry about messing up?
Tim: Have you ever seen Tool Time?
Brad: Yeah, I guess you're right.
Quote from Jill
Jill: Do you realize how close we came to having another son in a foreign country?
Tim: What's with these kids anyway? Other people want to come to America, these kids just want to get out.
Jill: Do you think it's my cooking?
Tim: You combine that with this couch, and...
Quote from Tim
Brad: I was just taking the math test. Gosh, it was so hard I'm scared to find out my score.
Tim: Well, let's add it up. How do we do this?
Brad: Well, I already did the adding and the subtracting. You have to take this number here and divide it by four.
Tim: Well, don't worry. Math is just simple logic. Let's see, two, two...
Brad: Well, Dad, when you divide, shouldn't the number get smaller?
Tim: I've been dividing since I was a kid. That is your score. Forty-two hundred, baby!
Brad: Dad, the highest possible score is 800. You know what? I bet you added a zero to the 420.
Tim: Don't be silly. You add a zero to 420, you still get 420.
Brad: Yeah, you're right.
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.
Quote from The Look
Benny: What's the look?
Tim: Oh, come on. It's just the most potent weapon in a woman's arsenal. Her face will transform right in front of you. Her lips get really tight like this.
Marty: Yeah. And then her whole face shrivels up. It's like...
Harry: Yeah. And then her eyes get real small and meet right in the middle of her head like a Cyclops in a housecoat.
Tim: Just when you think you can't take anymore, she lines you up and finishes you off.
Benny: Ohh! I'm never getting married. And not just because women can't stand me.