Tim Quote #3086
Tim: Hey, men. What are you guys talking about?
Brad: We're actually just talking about Costa Rican itching powder.
Tim: Hey, don't get me started, all right? Years ago when you wanted a good itch, you bought American, all right? Yeah. We used to be proud of this country's novelty products in my day.
Brad: All right. I'm gonna go write to my congressman.
Tim: Good work. While you're at it, why don't you tell him about the influx of that fake vomit from Japan? All the bean sprouts in there. What's that all about?
Randy: Now I know where I got my global consciousness.
Tim: Freakin' right, man.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Adios’ Quotes
Quote from Randy
Tim: We never talked about girls.
Randy: Well, I'm not leaving until Saturday. What do you want to know?
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: Tim, have you ever heard of a play...
Tim: No, no, no. No plays, no ballets, no chamber music. None of that. Just give it to me straight.
Wilson: [chuckles] I'm talking about the Shakespearean comedy As You Like It. Now in this play, the young Rosalind is uncomfortable expressing her feelings for the nobleman Orlando. The only way she can speak her mind is by dressing up as a man, the shepherd Ganymede.
Tim: Okay. What does a cross-dressing sheep lover have to do with me?
Wilson: Well, I suspect, just as Rosalind masqueraded as Ganymede, perhaps you were masquerading as Jill.
Tim: [looks around] Once I tried on a pump. It was Halloween, for God's sake!
Wilson: No, I'm talking about masquerading your feelings. I mean, is Jill really the one who will miss sharing the hot rod with Randy?
Tim: Of course. She's the one... Are you suggesting I stopped him from going because of my feelings?
Wilson: Well, that answer can only come from the masquerader.
Tim: All right, all right. I tried on the pantyhose, too.
Quote from Tim
Tim: But you're gonna be just fine. You're gonna do well.
Randy: You think so?
Tim: Yeah. You've survived every natural disaster known to man... right here in this house.