Tim Quote #2881

Quote from Tim in Taking Jill for Granite

Jill: Well, Tim, when you said done, I had a whole different image in my mind.
Tim: Well, I finished my part. I got the cabinets in, huh?
Jill: Well, they look great.
Tim: Thank you. Now we just gotta find the right granite guy to put in the countertops.
Jill: Tim, you fired the last two granite guys 'cause you didn't like the way they measured. And then you interviewed another hundred guys. Can you just pick one?
Tim: Honey, you cannot pick a granite guy out of the phone book like you would a doctor or a lawyer! I got my feelers out.
Jill: When, realistically, do you think we can expect to have our kitchen finished?
Tim: If I could predict the future, I'd be down at the racetrack right now.


 ‘Taking Jill for Granite’ Quotes

Quote from Tim

Tim: For a minute there I thought you said you fired my granite guy.
Jill: I did. When I gave him a lift home, he came on to me.
Tim: You fired the granite guy?
Jill: Did you hear what I said? He came on to me.
Tim: Did he say you have a nice outfit or something?
Jill: He kissed me.
Tim: [stammers] What did you do?
Jill: I pushed him away.
Tim: Well, you should've fired him!
Jill: I did fire him!
Tim: You fired the granite guy?!

Quote from Heidi

Heidi: Welcome to Tool Time on location from Al's living room. Today we're gonna show you how to conserve energy. Now, a good place to start would be replacing all your old insulation. I would recommend that you-
Tim: Heidi?
Heidi: Yes?
Tim: Do tell us when the camera is rolling.
Heidi: Okay... [exits]

 Tim Taylor Quotes

Quote from At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.