Randy Quote #330
Tim: Need help with that collar?
Randy: No, Dad. I know how to iron for a funeral. You just set the dial to "stiff."
Randy: Yeah, Dad. I don't know why I'm making these stupid jokes.
Tim: It's OK. Sometimes making jokes is a way to deal with the loss of somebody. You know, that's how you grieve. I did the same thing at my dad's funeral.
Randy: Oh, yeah. I mean, now that you talk about it, I remember at Aunt Rita's funeral, you had some good jokes. And you killed.
Tim: The truth is, in these situations, you got to be careful who you make the jokes around.
Randy: Dad, I know. I mean, I would never say this kind of stuff around Grandma.
Tim: And make no jokes around your mom, or Mark, or anybody sensitive. Just do 'em around me.
More Home Improvement Quotes
Quote from Jill
Jill: Heart attack? I can't believe this, I just talked to him, he sounded fine.
Tim: I know.
Jill: What about Mom? I should...
Tim: She's holding up real well. She's holding up real well. [Jill cries on Tim's shoulder] I booked you on a morning flight, OK? As soon I tie-up the loose ends here, I'll bring the boys. We'll head out tomorrow afternoon.
Jill: [cries] OK. OK. Oh, no! Oh, no!
Tim: It's OK. I'll pack. You don't have to worry about a thing. I'll do...
Jill: No. You don't understand. Dad called and asked if he could come visit here. I made up that story about how I was sick. How could I do that?
Tim: You didn't know this was going to happen. You just needed time for yourself. There's nothing wrong with that.
Jill: Don't you understand? I could've seen him one more time. I could've told him that I loved him. The last thing that I said to my father was a lie!
Tim: Hey, hey, hey, hey... [Jill sobs]
Quote from Tim
Minister: Come on, everyone. Who has a story about Colonel Patterson they'd like to share? [Tim raises his hand] Tim.
Tim: Oh... remember the first time that Jill brought me to meet the colonel?
Jill: Oh, yeah. I remember that.
Tim: When Jill finally left us alone, the colonel turned to me and said from the bottom of his heart, [deep voice] "Son, how much will it take for you to turn around and never come back?" But it was years later, he gave me the best compliment ever, he said, [deep voice] "Son, ten grand! That's my final offer! You can't handle the truth!"
Randy Taylor Quotes
Quote from The Longest Day
Randy: Why does this bad stuff always have to happen to me?
Tim: Well, bad stuff happens to everybody. Bad stuff happens to me all the time.
Randy: Yeah, but you cause it.
Quote from Say Goodnight, Gracie
Tim: [deep voice] No. Leave the girl alone. Give me my bamboo. My bamboo.
Gracie: Oh, Mr. Panda, thank you so much from saving me from Mr. Monkey.
Tim: Oh, don't thank me. Thank Mr. Tiger.
Gracie: That's Mr. Lion Cub.
Tim: Sorry. I've never been a lion cub before.
Randy: Well, I have. You know, I gotta tell you, it's a tough gig. Everyone expects you to be king.