Tim Quote #2499
Quote from Tim in My Son, the Driver
Tim: Are you telling me you don't have any worries about our boys driving?
Tim: Of course I have worries about them driving. I'm worried they'll be as bad a driver as I was at that age. You know that story I told you at Patty's about going to the library...
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: [false crying] It wasn't true.
Jill: Yeah. I kind of figured that out.
Tim: What gave it away?
Jill: Tim, have you ever been near a library?
Tim: Yes. Well, the parking lot. That's where I learned to do donuts.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘My Son, the Driver’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Jill: All right. Obey all traffic laws, especially no speeding. Keep that seat belt fastened. No kids drinking, smoking. No sex, no drugs.
Jill: Or anything else.
Brad: What else is there?
Tim: Plenty. All right... No oval shots in parking lots or doing doughnuts in people's lawns. And absolutely, absolutely... no mooning while the car's in gear.
Jill: What about when it's not?
Tim: Use your best judgment.
Quote from Wilson
Brad: I'm gonna need a pretty big tow truck to pull me out of this mess.
Wilson: So, you're saying that if your father found out you hit another car, he would view that as an unforgivable offense?
Brad: Yeah.
Wilson: Well, Brad, it seems to me he might consider lying a far worse offense.
Brad: So either way, I'm in deep yak butter.
Wilson: [sighs] You know, Brad, the novelist Han Suyin had some very choice words for situations like this. "Truth, like surgery, might hurt. But it cures."
Brad: Yeah. My mom and dad also have a few choice words for situations like this. But, I'm not allowed to say 'em.
Quote from Tim
Jill: Well, who cares about the car?
Tim: It's a classic Nomad.
Jill: Well, I was more concerned about our son.
Tim: I was concerned, but now he's OK, I just wanna what kind of damage he did.
Jill: Well, it couldn't be as bad as when you dropped that three-ton beam on it.
Doug: Wait. You dropped a beam on a classic Nomad?
Tim: Yeah, yeah. You know... the up side was I got to cherry it out, I dropped a big block in it.
Doug: Oh, man! I sure hope that car's OK.
Patty: Doug. Shut up.