Al: Anyway, on today's show we're gonna be talking about replacing your old bathroom fixtures with new ones.
Tim: Now, you might want to select these and install them when the wife's out of the house. Otherwise, you might end up with... [crows] ...one of these. [continues crowing] Who wants tap water coming out of a Klingon bird of prey, huh? Women, that's who. Women tend to overdo everything. Bathrooms, weddings...
Al: Now, how can you compare bathrooms and weddings?
Tim: Well, during my wedding, I spent most of the time in the bathroom.

Tim: See, a man wouldn't plan one of these big shindigs. A man's wedding would be simple and direct. Right, guys? [men grunt] It wouldn't cost an arm and a leg, either. I could do a wedding for, ooh, I don't know, [blows raspberry] ...off the top of my head, $137.50. $132.00 without flowers.
Al: There is no way you can do a wedding for that kind of money.
Tim: Watch me! The first thing to go, are those expensive invitations women have. A man's invitation would cost about... mmm, 20 cents.
Al: [scoffs] What are you taking about?
Tim: I'll show you. [takes out cell phone] Hank! Yeah. I'm getting hitched. What are you doing Tuesday?
Al: Tuesday? That's ridiculous. Nobody would go to a wedding on a Tuesday.
Tim: Ah-ha! Added bonus then. Eliminates 80% of your rogue relatives.

Al: Look, can we stop talking about marriage and get back to faucets.
Tim: To wedding cakes. Let's start talking about wedding cakes, how about that? Women want those cakes that are tiered, like Aztec sacrificial altars, right? And on the top... the bride and groom in the penthouse. Holding hands and smiling. [snorts] What's that about?
Al: It symbolizes the joy of marriage.
Tim: A man's wedding cake would show what marriage is really like. Heidi, the man's wedding cake, please.
[Heidi wheels out a tiered care which features a groom and bride in a boxing ring. Tim and Heidi battle them like Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots]