Wilson Quote #309
Quote from Wilson in Wilson's World
Jill: You're performing?
Wilson: Yes, I am, for the annual arts festival this Friday. I'll be performing at the campus coffeehouse. I'm gonna be doing a monologue on my life.
Jill: This is so perfect. I mean, your life has been so interesting. Now everybody else gets to hear about it.
Wilson: Mmm. Well, it's a little bit scary, but I'm gonna bare my soul. I'm gonna start off with my tale of a jousting injury in Scotland. I'm gonna segueway into the summer I spent observing the mating habits of the mountain gorillas.
Jill: Cocoa and Herman.
Wilson: Mm-hm.
Jill: Yeah. Nine-and-a-half weeks of monkey love.
Wilson: Jill, would you and your family like to attend? Some of the most talented artists in Detroit are gonna be there.
Jill: Well, of course. We'd love to come. Oh, you gotta remember to tell them about when you played craps with Gandhi.
Wilson: Oh, what a night. The Mahatma lost his shirt. Well, here's your squid. Tell Tim if he wants really fresh ones, I got them upstairs in the tub.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Wilson's World’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: I had been living with the Mara Masai tribe for six months. But I had been unable to engage their aged chief in conversation. I had all but given up hope, until suddenly I was summoned to his death bed, where he whispered in my ear the words I'll never forget. [speaks foreign language] Which, roughly translated, meant "Hidy-ho, neighbor."
Jill: So that's where he got it.
Wilson: And then we did the dance of death because the chief had died. [chanting in foreign language]
Tim: I think we know what killed him.
Quote from Tim
Wilson: I mean, have you ever been hammered by a reviewer?
Tim: Oh, yeah! Yeah!
Wilson: Well, how can you not take it personally?
Tim: Hmm. Hmm. I'm reminded of one of the greatest entertainers of all time: Sammy Davis, Jr. He said, "I gotta be me."
Wilson: To think I've spent my entire life studying the Greek philosophers and it all comes down to Sammy.
Tim: When it comes to wisdom, there's nobody like the Candy Man.
Wilson: Tim, I want to thank you for not bailing out on me.
Tim: [imitating Sammy Davis, Jr.] Oh, man! Don't change, baby. I love you the way you are, man. I dig you, cat. I mean, cat, can you feel the love in this room? It's thicker than clam chowder, baby.
Quote from Harry
Benny: Is it my imagination or is Wilson more annoying than me?
Harry: It's close.
Tim: Be patient, OK? He's just trying to be one of the guys, all right?
Harry: Well, if he doesn't stop yapping, the guys are gonna go over to my house and watch the game.
Tim: Listen to you. Rather than drink beer here and burp up nachos, you want to be home with your wife?
Harry: Well, if I said that, I didn't mean it.