Wilson Quote #307
Quote from Wilson in A Funny Valentine
Wilson: So how did the meeting go with your alluring school chum?
Tim: It was actually a meeting with my school chum's mum. Apparently, she and my father were very good friends. She was about to tell me they had an affair and I just ran away.
Wilson: Well, I could see how painful it would be for you to hear something like that. I know how much you idolized your dad.
Tim: I spent my whole life trying to be like him.
Wilson: Well, Tim, there's nothing wrong with modeling your life after someone. But it is dangerous to try to live up to an ideal that can't possibly exist.
Tim: What are you saying?
Wilson: I think it's important you think of your father as a human being with flaws like everybody else. You know, I'm reminded of the English statesman, Oliver Cromwell, who told an artist, "I want my picture painted, warts and all."
Tim: My dad didn't have any warts. He just had a big scar on his neck where I shot him with a staple gun.
Wilson: If you don't find out the truth about your father, you may spend your life wondering who he was.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘A Funny Valentine’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: Welcome to Tool Time. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. Of course, you all know my assistant, Al Borland. [crowd applause] Well, welcome to remodeling week here on Tool Time. Today we're gonna show you some space-saving items around the home, like this clever little clap rack.
Al: All right, let's start over here at the kitchen counter.
Tim: No better way to save space than utilize it well. Under-counter recycling bins.
Al: And this narrow area is a great place for a dispenser for aluminum, wax paper and plastic wrap.
Tim: And what about my special drawer?
Al: What is so special about this drawer?
Tim: This is a drawer you can put all the stuff you can't find any other place for. You know, like buttons and pins that don't work, string, thimbles, you know, navel lint, rakes, brooms, skis, poles... There's even room for you in there, Al.
Al: I don't think so, Tim.
Quote from Al
Al: All right. Now, this is a nifty idea. This is a cooling unit in a drawer. It's great for fruits and vegetables, close to the cutting board.
Tim: As well as your wine, your beer, your vodka.
Al: And that extra liver you're going to need for the transplant.
Quote from Tim
Al: Now, if you need some extra space in the utility room, this unit is a washer/dryer all in one.
Tim: Oh! Finished your laundry, Al. [holds up a large pair of flannel underpants] Oh, gosh darn it, I must've shrunk 'em.
Al: All right. Now, over to the family unit here.
Tim: Now, you can't possibly tell me these are called briefs. How many flannels you have to kill to get underwear this size?