Tim Quote #2218
Quote from Tim in Al's Video
Tim: Felix, do you see any problem with a guy showing a little pride in his work?
Felix: I'm just here to caulk a toilet.
Al: Well, why don't we get back to the different types of caulking guns?
Tim: Yes, why don't we?
Felix: Uh, those are electric guns. You might want to be careful... [Tim fires caulk at Felix] ...with those triggers.
Tim: Sorry, Felix, I didn't mean to do that.
Al: You'll have to excuse Tim. He has a tough time keeping things under control.
Tim: I know how to control myself, Al. [shoots caulk at Al]
[After Tim moves out of the way when Al goes to shoot caulk at him, Felix gets hit once again]
Al: I am so sorry, Felix. I am so sorry!
Felix: I don't need this. [stammering] I could be cleaning out a septic tank!
[As Tim bends over, Al shoots caulk at his rear end. When Tim stands up, he's holding a gigantic "Binford 6100" caulking gun. Tim waves for Felix to get out of the way.]
Tim: Move over! [shoots caulk at Al]
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Al's Video’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: You know, Tim, this reminds me of a famous quote by Aristotle. "He who has not learned to obey cannot be a great leader."
Tim: I should have let him do it his way. I had this vision. I was gonna do something magnificent, trying to emulate the great Hitchcock.
Wilson: Alfred or Herb?
Tim: The director! Herb.
Wilson: No, no, no, no, Tim. You don't want to emulate Herb Hitchcock.
Tim: Yes, I do. He was fabulous.
Wilson: Well, he was kicked out of the business...
Tim: Oh, that's what everybody says.
Wilson: ...for going wildly over budget. He hired a cast of thousands for the staining scene in How to Make a Table part three.
Tim: It was brilliant. Staining a table during a chariot race. Come on!
Quote from Harry
Al: Hey, guys. Guess what? I have just been asked to star in my very own video!
Harry: [chuckling] The Al Borland Workout? Abs of Flab.
Tim: That's something you want to see, Al in a thong. "All right, girls, two, three... Watch those carbs. Come on. Late night snacks, that's a no-no."
Quote from Harry
Harry: Hey, can I be in your video?
Tim: We never put you on Tool Time. Why would Al put you in a video?
Harry: Well, I got a lot of experience in dinner theater.
Tim: You were an actor?
Harry: No, a waiter.