Tim Quote #2154
Brad: Look, Dad, I know all about safe sex. There's nothing to worry about.
Tim: If you're having sex in high school there is something to worry about.
Brad: Dad, I'm not having sex. Not with Angela, not with anybody.
Tim: I know that. That's good. Of course not.
Brad: So, Dad, how old were you your first time?
Tim: What? Uh... 37.
Brad: I thought you wanted to have a real talk.
Tim: Well, I was a few years older than you. But I was still way too young. I knew nothing about women.
Brad: You didn't?
Tim: No, I knew the mechanics of it and everything. But I didn't realize how much responsibility was involved in having an intimate relationship with girls.
Brad: Wow. I never heard you talk like this before.
Tim: Well, it's kind of hard for me to talk about stuff like this with you. It's hard for me to talk about stuff like this with Mom. But we opened a line of communication and I want to keep it that way. This makes me feel real good, okay?
Home Improvement Quotes
‘At Sea’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Tim
Brad: Some guys I hang out with think that by having sex it makes you a man.
Tim: I used to think that, too. But I think the truth is, you should be a man first and then think about sex.
Brad: So, what do you think? How many years away am l?
Tim: Well... there's no set number of years.
Brad: When will I know when I'm a man?
Tim: Your mom and I will tell you.
Quote from Jill
Jill: Brad, what were you doing with a girl in your bedroom?
Brad: Um... nothing.
Jill: When I walked in the door it didn't look like nothing.
Brad: Well, Mom, you wouldn't have seen anything if you had knocked.
Jill: Don't get smart with me. You know you are not allowed to have a girl in your room when we're not home!
Brad: Yeah, well, it's not going to a problem anymore. She'll probably never come back, thanks to you!
Jill: Oh, excuse me. You have a girl on your bed, I catch you and I'm the bad guy?
Brad: Mom, I didn't do anything wrong.
Jill: Really? Really? Well, what would have happened if I hadn't come home just then?
Brad: It's none of your business. I mean, you think I'm gonna talk to you about my sex life? [exits]
Jill: [whispering] Sex life?