Tim Quote #2151
Wilson: I thought you discussed birds and bees years ago with Brad years ago.
Tim: I did. But the bee's found a honey and he's gone a bit cuckoo.
Wilson: Oh. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. You seem quite at ease about it. I must say, I'm very impressed you can speak openly to Brad about, you know...
Tim: Sex.
Wilson: Mm-hmm. [both chuckling]
Tim: Uh, it was a snap. It was over in a couple seconds.
Wilson: Seconds?
Tim: Yeah, I just said, "If you got any questions, just holler".
Wilson: And?
Tim: And I avoided the issue. I said nothing and I blew the whole thing.
Wilson: Well, maybe you should just try again.
Tim: You're right. I just want to say the right thing. If I mess up and turn him off, I'm afraid he'll never come to me again.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘At Sea’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Tim
Brad: Some guys I hang out with think that by having sex it makes you a man.
Tim: I used to think that, too. But I think the truth is, you should be a man first and then think about sex.
Brad: So, what do you think? How many years away am l?
Tim: Well... there's no set number of years.
Brad: When will I know when I'm a man?
Tim: Your mom and I will tell you.
Quote from Jill
Jill: Brad, what were you doing with a girl in your bedroom?
Brad: Um... nothing.
Jill: When I walked in the door it didn't look like nothing.
Brad: Well, Mom, you wouldn't have seen anything if you had knocked.
Jill: Don't get smart with me. You know you are not allowed to have a girl in your room when we're not home!
Brad: Yeah, well, it's not going to a problem anymore. She'll probably never come back, thanks to you!
Jill: Oh, excuse me. You have a girl on your bed, I catch you and I'm the bad guy?
Brad: Mom, I didn't do anything wrong.
Jill: Really? Really? Well, what would have happened if I hadn't come home just then?
Brad: It's none of your business. I mean, you think I'm gonna talk to you about my sex life? [exits]
Jill: [whispering] Sex life?