Wilson Quote #277
Wilson: [speaks rapidly] You know, that reminds me of French Madame de Staël, who said, "Love is above the law, above the opinion of men: the State, the flame, the ideal story of the modern world."
Tim: Give me the chocolate bar.
Wilson: Does anybody else feel like your heart is about to leap out of your chest?
More from Home Improvement
Quote from Al
Al: Boy, this is great! I'm telling you, the phones are ringing off the hook! I never thought this game would catch fire so soon.
Tim: Well, it did.
Al: What do you need to talk to me about?
Tim: Well, I think they might have put the wrong wire in it. It's defective. We played it last night and it caught fire.
Al: Caught fire? Everything you do catches fire.
Quote from Heidi
Heidi: Good show, Al.
Al: Thank you.
Heidi: Tim, do you want the big ice pack or the small ice pack today?
Tim: Ow. I'll take the small one. It's just my head.
Quote from Wilson
Jill: Oh, come on! We've been at this for 11 hours. I need a break.
Tim: What you need is some hot coffee. Look how fast Wilson's working.
Wilson: [speaks rapidly] You know, I never was much of a coffee drinker. In fact, this if the first time I've ever had one full cup, let alone eight cups. It was really quite invigorating. It reminds me of the Buddhist monks after Zen meditation.
Tim: No more coffee for Wilson.
Wilson: I need chocolate and I need it now!
Ilene: Al's gonna be so touched when he sees his friends have fixed all his games.
Wilson: Well, Euripides said, "True friendship is shown in times of trouble: prosperity is full of friends."
Quote from Bye Bye Birdie
Tim: I want Brad to be a good student.
Tim: So I told him that multiplying compound fractions is a real important part of that. But, you know, between you and me, it's kinda useless information.
Wilson: Well, I don't know about that, Tim. There was a time when I thought my extensive research into ancient tribal cultures, obscure scientific data, the thoughts of great philosophers, would never come in handy. Then you moved in.
Quote from Doctor in the House
Wilson: A Ph.D.?! Tim? Aw, Jill, Jill, Jill, Jill... Do you realize how many hours I had to study to get my doctorate in forgotten languages and extinct cultures? Oh, my, my, my. Sitting in that library, reading that insufferable microfilm till I thought I would practically go blind? Not to mention that to support myself, I had to volunteer as a subject for lab experiments. Oh, oh. And the thing that really irritates me about this whole thing...
Wilson: Oh, Jill, Jill, talk me down, talk me down.
Jill: I came out here so you'd talk me down.
Wilson: Oh, I'm sorry, Jill. I just lost control.
Quote from Not-So-Great Scott
Jill: I had a patient come in and tell me that she'd had an affair with Heidi's husband. Heidi found out about it because I broke confidentiality and told Tim.
Wilson: Ah. Now you're telling me.
Jill: Oh, my God! I did it again. I can't believe it! I'm completely hopeless. You know, I'm just lucky that my supervisor never found out what I did.
Wilson: Well, you are right because she could've lost her license, and you could've been kicked out of the master's program.
Wilson: Oh, really. Also, the school could've been sued, and you might've been written about in textbooks for future generations to study.
Jill: Wilson, you're not making me feel any better.
Wilson: Well, excuse me! Why do I always have to be Santa's little helper? Well, I mean, I have wants. I-I-I- I have needs. I have issues. But does anyone ever come to the fence and say, "Wilson, do you have a problem?" I mean, no! It's just "Me, me, me, me!"