Tim Quote #2014

Quote from Tim in The Bud Bowl

Tim: We also added a feature I think you're going to enjoy. You know how, at home your door always stays open, allowing pesky insects or that annoying insurance salesman in.
Al: That's why we've installed the Binford 6100 Slide Master. It automatically closes the door once you've walked through it.
Tim: Good. As nice as that feature is, there's always that energetic mosquito that can slide in there. Or a claims adjuster. Boom! They're in and you don't even know about it, right? So I modified this bad boy to close ten times faster than a normal one.
Al: You did?
Tim: Yes! I used a small magnetic diffuser from Binford, right? You just turn it up to the speed you want. Ahh!
All right. Try it. Show them. [Al gives a look to camera] Heidi, please demonstrate the door.
Heidi: Yeah, right.
Tim: All right. I'll do it. Presto. You walk through and the door shuts. [crash] [man shouts] When you install these at home, you might want to use shatterproof glass.
Al: And a small part of your brain.
Tim: Well, that's it for the show today. Join us tomorrow when we show our segment, "The Resourceful Tool Man."
Al: And our discussion panel, "Sump Pumps: How They Work..."
Tim: And are they the right thing to wear with an evening gown?

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 ‘The Bud Bowl’ Quotes

Quote from Tim

Tim: Put away the fish, get out your bowling shoes. We're going bowling and dinner with Bud and his wife tonight.
Jill: Tonight? I can't go tonight. I have that lecture for my Abnormal Psych class.
Tim: You don't have to go to that. You know what they're going to say. "There's a lot of crazy people out there and there's nothing we can do about it."
Jill: You're living proof of that.

Quote from Jill

Jill: You say that you need me by your side. And then you don't even treat me like a person. You acted like I was just one of your appendages.
Tim: Well, forgive me for thinking my career's important.
Jill: Apparently, that's all you think is important.
Tim: Oh, that's not true. Where you hit me with the bowling ball I find quite important too.
Jill: Well, that's OK. Because I think it's gonna have plenty of time to heal!

 Tim Taylor Quotes

Quote from At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.