Tim Quote #1889

Quote from Tim in Oh, Brother

Tim: OK, now, let's say your wife's a little ticked at ya because instead of fixing the stove, you blew it up. She's wandering around the house saying, [feminine voice] "What are we gonna do now? Poach the fish in what, you lunkhead? What am I gonna do?"
Al: [feminine voice] "I have a 12-pound fish and it's all gonna go to waste." [off Tim's look] What? I don't do a woman's voice as well as you?
Tim: No. You do it a little too well.
Al: Our point is, the resourceful tool man doesn't need a working stove to make a delicious meal.
Tim: Exactly, Al. All you need is heat and steam. And what better way to use that than in the dishwasher?
Heidi: Here's your fresh piece of salmon, Tim.
Tim: Thank you, Heidi. Aah! There's a piece of fish! I'm gonna season my fish with a little dill. Fold the tinfoil around it, and set it on the top shelf in the dishwasher.
Al: Making sure to hit the dry cycle. And in 25 minutes, you have a perfectly poached fish.
Tim: Fortunately, We don't have to wait that long. We have a fish in there. When it's done, we'll pull it out. [bell dings] There it is. You hungry, Al?
Al: I'm famished.
Tim: All right! [audience groans as Tim opens the dishwasher]
Al: Did you hit dry cycle?
Tim: Oh, I went with the pot scrubber.

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 ‘Oh, Brother’ Quotes

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: See, Romulus and Remus were very close until they decided to work together to build a city.
Tim: Yeah? What happened?
Wilson: Well, Romulus was the boss and he wanted things done his way. And Remus disagreed with him and that angered Romulus. So instead of working things out, you know what he did?
Tim: I'd fire him!
Wilson: No, he killed him.
Tim: Oh, boy! Oh, boy. Well, I guess when you're raised by a wolf, you lack certain social skills.
Wilson: No, Tim. The point is if Romulus hadn't been so rash, and tried to meet his brother halfway, they might've been able to patch things up.
Tim: Oh, I see. I should try to meet Marty halfway.
Wilson: There you go.

Quote from Marty

Tim: Marty, you can't afford to quit.
Marty: Oh, don't tell me what I can afford. You're not the only brother I can turn to. If I have to, I'll borrow money from John.
Tim: He's in worse shape than you.
Marty: He'll get it from Jeff.
Tim: Where's he gonna get it?
Marty: He can get it from Rick.
Tim: And where's Rick gonna get the money?
Marty: From you.

 Tim Taylor Quotes

Quote from At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.