Tim Quote #1833
Delivery Guy: I have a delivery for a Dr. Taylor. Hey, Doc, how do I get rid of this big wart on my hand?
Tim: Ball-peen hammer, chisel. It'll pop right off.
Delivery Guy: Thanks, Doc.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: A Ph.D.?! Tim? Aw, Jill, Jill, Jill, Jill... Do you realize how many hours I had to study to get my doctorate in forgotten languages and extinct cultures? Oh, my, my, my. Sitting in that library, reading that insufferable microfilm till I thought I would practically go blind? Not to mention that to support myself, I had to volunteer as a subject for lab experiments. Oh, oh. And the thing that really irritates me about this whole thing...
Wilson: Oh, Jill, Jill, talk me down, talk me down.
Jill: I came out here so you'd talk me down.
Wilson: Oh, I'm sorry, Jill. I just lost control.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: Well, what can I say here that might put this into perspective for both of us? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. The late senator Dwight Morrow said there are people who do things and people who take the credit. And the trick is to be in the first group, there's a lot less competition.
Jill: I see what you're sayin'.
Wilson: Does that make you feel any better?
Jill: Not at all.
Wilson: Me, neither. On the other hand, it is a great honor for Tim, and I guess we have to put our negative feelings aside and just find a way to cheer him on.
Jill: Well, I know. I mean, he should be allowed to enjoy this. I should be more supportive.
Wilson: And if the university is giving him a Ph.D., they must feel he is a worthy recipient.
[Tim bounces on a Pogo stick in the living room]
Jill: Obviously they know something we don't.
Quote from At Sea
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.