Marty Quote #18
Tim: All right, main dishes. Who brought main dishes?
Wilson: Well, I've got a wok full of my delicious kung-pao crickets.
Tim: Ew. Somebody else? Anybody else bring a main dish?
Marty: It's OK. It's OK. We brought a big bowl of lobster salad.
Tim: Oh, that's just perfect, Marty. Great. Lobster makes Jill break out in hives.
Nancy: Marty, why didn't you know that?
Marty: Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'll just start keeping a list of all my relatives' allergies.
Tim: All right, everybody, I need help getting the lobster out of here. Just pick in and get the lobster out. Quick, quick, quick.
Quote from Tim
Randy: Why throw Mom a 39th birthday party anyway? I thought 40 was the big one.
Tim: [whistles] Randy, Randy, Randy, Randy. You got a lot to learn about women. A woman's 40th birthday party is something she does not want to celebrate.
Randy: Why not?
Tim: Well, because at 40 a woman feels like she's, you know, getting old. And that puts her in a very bad mood for a very long time.
Brad: How long?
Tim: Generally, the rest of her life. You see, at that age women don't like their looks anymore. You know, they see their cheeks sagging, necks hanging... And before long, it's inevitable their entire face will cave right in.
Mark: Even a party can't cheer her up?
Tim: I'm sorry to say, Mark, there's not a party big enough to make a woman happy who has no face.
Quote from Al
Tim: Welcome to Tool Time. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, and you know my assistant, Al "Generation X-tra Large" Borland. You might have noticed Al's not sporting his traditional plaid or flannel today because he's got a new look. I think he looks... peachy.
Al: I don't feel peachy.
Tim: All right, today we're talking about do-it-yourself jobs that aren't actually do-it-yourself. Now, replacing a pane of glass is one thing, but for plate glass, you'll need a helper. So today, I'll be hiking the glass in place, Al will use a point driver to secure it. [lifts glass] All right, Al, point driver.
Al: Uh, I don't have my point driver.
Tim: Well, thanks for "pointing" that out. Where is it?
Al: I left it backstage. I feel a little flummoxed without my flannel!
Quote from The Naked Truth
Marty: Hey, this is gonna be great, isn't it?
Marty: You and me back in the same city again. Although... I don't know if I can afford a house out here.
Tim: Oh, come on, come on. We'll go look for one, maybe a little fixer-upper. And you know who can do the fixing.
Marty: I'm hoping Al.
Quote from He Ain't Heavy, He's Just Irresponsible
Tim: I'm really glad you showed up.
Marty: Yeah, you missed me, huh?
Tim: No. if you hadn't shown up, Jill would still be chewing me out over this little hole. She will not fight in front of company. So as long as you're here, she won't yell at me.
Marty: Man, I wish Nancy was more like that. She doesn't care who's around. Remember she yelled at me at Uncle Henry's memorial service?
Tim: Marty, you lost the man's ashes.
Marty: I didn't lose them. I got into the convertible...
Tim: Which was your first mistake. And you're lucky I saved your butt. Do you know how many cigars I had to smoke to make one Uncle Henry?