Tim: Wilson, are you naked?
Wilson: No, Tim, I'm wearing a hat.
Tim: Why are you naked?
Wilson: Well, Tim, in Finland, they believe that to rejuvenate the body and the soul, you take a hot sauna bath and you follow that with an ice-cold snow massage.
Tim: What do they follow that up with? A heart attack?
Wilson: No, no, no, Tim. Actually, it's quite invigorating. You know, maybe you'd like to join me for a hot sauna sometime. There's always room for two under my dome.
Tim: No, thanks, Wilson. I'm not much of a "get naked with your neighbor" kind of guy.

Marge: Hey, Tim. I see your eyebrows grew back.
Tim: Well, they always do. And they're bushier. They're thicker this time.
Marge: Your wife called and said something about a girl with an injured ankle.
Tim: It's Randy's birthday party and she slipped on the dance floor. Kids.
Marge: Slipped on the dance floor? Let me guess... you overwaxed.
Tim: You know me too well, Marge.
Marge: I should. I see you more often than I see my own husband.

Wilson: Well, maybe you should do something different to participate in Randy's birthday celebration. As the English author Samuel Johnson said: "Our brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks."
Tim: If anyone knows about unexpected sparks, it'd be me.
Wilson: Well, I think you'd be more fulfilled if you did something for Randy that was both unique and unexpected.
Tim: Like what?
Wilson: If I knew that, it wouldn't be unexpected.
Tim: Wait. But unexpected, you're saying... You know what's really unexpected?
Wilson: What's that?
Tim: The position of that tattoo.
Wilson: Well, Tim, that's no tattoo. I just sat on a live coal.
Tim: Whoo!