Marty Quote #1
Quote from Marty in He Ain't Heavy, He's Just Irresponsible
Tim: I'm really glad you showed up.
Marty: Yeah, you missed me, huh?
Tim: No. if you hadn't shown up, Jill would still be chewing me out over this little hole. She will not fight in front of company. So as long as you're here, she won't yell at me.
Marty: Man, I wish Nancy was more like that. She doesn't care who's around. Remember she yelled at me at Uncle Henry's memorial service?
Tim: Marty, you lost the man's ashes.
Marty: I didn't lose them. I got into the convertible...
Tim: Which was your first mistake. And you're lucky I saved your butt. Do you know how many cigars I had to smoke to make one Uncle Henry?
More Home Improvement Quotes
‘He Ain't Heavy, He's Just Irresponsible’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: Well, you spend all the time you want polishing your family jewels. But that's not what we're talking about, we're talking about car finishes. As you can see, we've got several hoods out here. As a matter of fact, there's a couple of hoods backstage waiting for Al. He's apparently a little late on his flannel payment.
Al: You know, one of these days you're gonna run out of flannel jokes.
Tim: Oh, I don't think so, Al. Not with my Complete Flannel Joke Book. "Why did the flannel cross the road? 'Cause Al was over there." "Hey, waiter, there's a fly in my flannel." "Please, take my flannel." [Al takes the book] There's also the handy wallet-size version. "How do you keep an idiot wearing flannel in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow."
Quote from Al
Tim: Now, if the finish on your car is like this, in pretty good shape, what you need is a mild abrasive before you wax. For that, we recommend Binford's 2000 Polishing Compound.
Al: That's right. A dab on a soft cloth, and you'll have a shine you can be proud of. Look! I can see myself.
Tim: Okay, if you want to remove oxidation from surfaces, you need something a bit more abrasive.
Al: Like a can of Tim's personality.
Tim: Of course, a can of your personality would be empty.
Marty Taylor Quotes
Quote from The Naked Truth
Marty: Hey, this is gonna be great, isn't it?
Tim: Yeah.
Marty: You and me back in the same city again. Although... I don't know if I can afford a house out here.
Tim: Oh, come on, come on. We'll go look for one, maybe a little fixer-upper. And you know who can do the fixing.
Marty: I'm hoping Al.
Quote from Oh, Brother
Tim: Marty, you can't afford to quit.
Marty: Oh, don't tell me what I can afford. You're not the only brother I can turn to. If I have to, I'll borrow money from John.
Tim: He's in worse shape than you.
Marty: He'll get it from Jeff.
Tim: Where's he gonna get it?
Marty: He can get it from Rick.
Tim: And where's Rick gonna get the money?
Marty: From you.