Al Quote #170
Quote from Al in The Eyes Don't Have It
Al: Linoleum was invented in 1860 by Frederick Walton of England. Now, he discovered that linseed oil, when left out in the open air, became kind of a rubbery-like substance, very suitable for floor coverings.
[Tim puts on a sleeping cap, takes out a candle and a hot drink]
Al: Now, because linseed oil is from the flax plant, Mr. Walton decided to call his product "linoleum."
[Tim blows his candle out and lays down on the work bench]
Al: From the Latin words linum for "flax," and oleum for "oil." He also went on to invent a straight-line inlay machine, so he was able to produce his linoleum in various patterns. Well! That's all for our history on linoleum, unless you'd have something you'd like to add... Tim? [Tim fusses in his sleep] All right! Well, please join us tomorrow when we're back here with the much-anticipated climax, "Floor Coverings of the Future," or: "The Vinyl Frontier."
Home Improvement Quotes
‘The Eyes Don't Have It’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Mark: I don't want to look like a dork.
Wilson: Well, may I suggest an alternative solution that will help improve your eyesight? Here's a handy little trick I picked up from a Russian ophthalmologist I met at a caviar-tasting festival. Take a piece of paper and you make a tiny, tiny, tiny little hole, then you hold it up to your eye, and it will correct your myopia by allowing the eye to refocus light upon a mosaic of photosensitive receptors.
Mark: What?
Wilson: It'll help you see better.
Mark: Wow! It really works.
Wilson: Uh-huh. And if you use two, it's twice as effective.
Mark: This is great! I'll never have to wear glasses. And I won't look like a dork.
Brad: Mark, Mark, buddy. Just tell me one thing. [takes the pieces of paper and holds them to his eyes] What do I look like?
Mark: A dork.
Quote from Tim
Tim: He does well in school. Maybe the teacher doesn't like him.
Jill: Well, how could she not like him? Mark is adorable.
Tim: Oh, come on. In fourth grade I was adorable. My teacher hated me. Fifth grade teacher didn't like me. Sixth grade teacher really had something out for me. Seventh grade was a nightmare.
Jill: Tim, are you noticing a pattern here?
Tim: I had a string of bad teachers.
Quote from Tim
Al: There is no such thing as a gas-powered porcupine!
Tim: It all depends on what it had to eat. [laughs] Watch how beautifully this seams our lovely wheat-colored Berber. [Tim rips the carpet to shreds]
Al: Well, way to go, Tim. And what would you call that?
Tim: Shredded Wheat Berber.