Tim Quote #1165
Quote from Tim in Fifth Anniversary
Tim: Now we move on to the most important part of the meal - vegetables. Now, for most men, there's only two kinds of vegetables - your beans and your potatoes. I had my beans yesterday.
Al: I know.
Tim: Now, potatoes... mmm, hard to cook, 'cause when a guy wants to eat, a guy wants to eat. He can't wait for endless seconds on a microwave. That's why we've got the Binford macrowave. Three convenient power settings - "high,""really high" and "split your own atoms."
Al: Now, Tim, won't this put out a little too much radiation?
Tim: Mm, that's a good safety tip, Al. That's why we're equipped with these. Lead vests.
Al: Also useful in case Superman wants to take a peek at your underwear.
Tim: No problem there. I'm not wearing any. You don't wanna overcook a potato, so only in there a couple of seconds. Now don't look directly at the potato. [ding] Once they stop glowing, they're probably ready to eat. Grab the potatoes.
Al: All right. Hot potato! Hot potato!
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Fifth Anniversary’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Tim: Oh, and my neighbor's here up behind them. Wilson, say hi.
Wilson: Festum diem anniversarium tibi, Tim.
Tim: What?
Wilson: That means "Happy anniversary to you" in Latin. You see, Tim, the Ancient Romans...
Tim: No, no. Not now, Wilson, not now. We've got plenty of show to do here, buddy. There's a lot of ways we could celebrate our fifth anniversary. Could've gone to Indy and had some race drivers on. But Al and I decided to do something more from the heart, like the young Chinese boy that smelled his own yogurt. [Wilson shakes his head]
Quote from Al
Tim: We started the show with a very small budget. It was just two guys with a passion for tools.
Al: And one guy who knew how to use them.
Tim: Yeah.
Quote from Tim
Tim: So I went to Binford's headquarters, in the archives, and got our first episode, and I put together a little highlight tape. Ladies and gentlemen, the birth of the tool show.
[Tool Time flashback:]
Mrs. Binford: Does everybody know what time it is? [the few people in the audience are silent until Mrs. Binford points to her apron]
Audience: Tool Time.
Mrs. Binford: That's correct. Binford Tools is happy to present your host Tom Taylor. [plays theme]
Tim: [walks out with a beard] Uh, thank you, Mrs. Binford. It's Tim Taylor. [Mrs. Binford gives him a thumbs up] All right. Well, welcome, audience, to the premiere episode of Tool Time. It's a show that celebrates men and their tools. Before we get to our project today, I'd like to bring out an assistant that we hired for me. We auditioned contractors all through the Detroit area, a lot of professional men, and this is the guy that would work for the money we offered. [chuckles] So, let's bring him out. A contractor, a master plumber and a Pisces - Albert Borland. Come on out, Albert. [a beardless Al walks out] Good to have you here.
Al: Hi.
Tim: OK. It's nice to have you here.
Al: I'm Al Borland, and I'm pleased to make your acquaintance. I'm also very honored to be part of your tool education.
Tim: It's over here, though. You would look into this camera.