Tim Quote #1139
Quote from Tim in Too Many Cooks
Jill: Can I have some salt, please? No, see, this is your problem, Tim. You cannot be in front of a group of people without being the center of attention. That's what you did on Al's show today. I need pepper - cayenne.
Tim: I just can't help it. You know how hard it is for me to stand in front of people and not make 'em laugh?
Jill: Well, you did a pretty darn good job of that today. "Okra-homa"?
Tim: "Arkan-slaw" was funny.
Jill: Hand me that celery.
Tim: I'm just not cut out to be somebody's assistant.
Jill: You have been assisting me this whole time making the gumbo.
Tim: Oh. I could do that.
Jill: Look, all you gotta do is do your homework. Then when you go and help Al tomorrow, you'll be in better shape. I tell you what, I will sit down, and I will tell you everything that I know about cooking.
Tim: OK. [tastes the gumbo] Maybe I'd better get a cookbook.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Too Many Cooks’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: Hi. Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. And you all know my assistant Al "This Land Is" Borland. Today we're talking about Binford's new high-tech security alarm systems for cars, 'cause a secure car... is a happy car. While a car that isn't so secure can cost you thousands of dollars in therapy fees.
Al: Now, the most inexpensive way to protect your car is with the Binford 6100 steering-wheel lock.
Tim: It's a good lock, Al, but if you've got a larger car - a monster truck, front-end loader or a space shuttle - you want the Binford 61,000,000. Now, there's a lock. Look at the size of that thing.
Al: Well, if you wanna go the more sophisticated route...
Tim: [English accent] You might wanna watch Masterpiece Tool Time with your host Alistair Bo-o-o-orland.
Al: Would that be an English accent? I was talking more along the lines of an electric car alarm, the most basic of which will go off if your doors or windows are tampered with.
Tim: Right, but you can customize. You can have automatic door locks, ignition cutoff, gas cutoff. And not a moment too soon.
Al: Oh, very funny, Tim. I'm sure our nursery-school viewers are rolling in their sandboxes.
Tim: [hisses] Now, if you wanna go the whole hog, you... No. You probably want the Binford Thiefbuster 1000. It has a personalized voice warning system. I installed it on this pony myself. [alarm chirps] Act like a thief.
Tim's voice: [on alarm] Back away, Flannel Man! Back away, Flannel Man! Back away, Flannel Man! Back away, Flannel Man!
Quote from Al
Al: Good night, Mrs. McDowell. Thank you for coming, Mrs. Yost. Remember the weather report from the kitchen - "Chili today, hot tamale."
Quote from Heidi
Heidi: Does everybody know who's in the kitchen?
Audience: Irma!
Heidi: That's right, it's Cooking With Irma... with special guest chef Al Borland!