Al Quote #144

Quote from Al in Room for Change

Tim: Now, to show some of the advantage of soundproofing, the crew and I got here early and constructed a special room. Heidi, my room, please. Now, this room will not only protect you from the elements, keep you warm, but it's also totally soundproof.
Heidi: Here you go, Tim.
Tim: Thank you, Heidi. Watch this, Al. Can't hear a word. It's so good. Watch. Talking like this. You walk in. Hi, everybody. It's just great to be here. My name's Tim "The Tool..." [silence] ...Aah! [audience applaud]
Al: That is truly amazing. We did not hear a sound.
Tim: No. That's how it was designed. You gotta try it. Let yourself go. It's great. Yeah.
Al: [in the booth] Tim, can you hear me? [Tim mouths] You can't hear me? In that case, I should be the host of this show. And another thing. That's a stupid haircut you have. And another thing... [sings] I am a very model of a modern major general I've information vegetable, animal and mineral I know the kings of England I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical
Tim: Al.
Al: Yes?
Tim: Al.
Al: Yes?
Tim: Can you hear me?
Al: I can hear you. [audience laughing]
Tim: Think about that. Major General Borland!


 ‘Room for Change’ Quotes

Quote from Tim

Tim: If you're like me, you've spent time on the floor after an accident... waiting for the paramedics to arrive. It's times like these a lot of thoughts roll through your head. "I wonder if the bleeding will stop." "I had no idea electricity could lift me off the ground that high." Or, "From this angle, that smooth ceiling could use a little texture." And how would we do that, Al?
Al: Well, Tim, with Binford's 6100 acoustic spraying system.
Tim: That's right. With the 6100 system, even the most inexperienced, unskilled homeowner can do this simple job.
Al: And who better to demonstrate than you, Tim?

Quote from Tim

Tim: If we wanna solve this problem, there's only one thing to do - separate bedrooms.
Jill: We don't have any more bedrooms. And, no, no, no, no, no, no! You're not building any more.
Tim: Honey. Honey, we've talked about this before. Move Brad into Mark's room, and then Mark into Randy's room.
Jill: No. No. OK, Brad is older. He probably should have his own room. But we can't make a decision like that without discussing it with all the boys.
Tim: Why discuss it? The reason we became parents is so we could tell kids what to do. If we can't do that, we're just the tallest people living here.
Jill: You sound like my father.
Tim: All right.

 Al Borland Quotes

Quote from Dead Weight

Al: I was just thinking about my mother, all the great times we used to have. When I was a kid, she used to take us to the park. We'd fly kites, she'd push us on the swing. We'd spend hours on the teeter-totter.
Tim: I used to love the teeter-totter. Up and down. Up and down.
Al: Down?
Tim: Well, they play it differently in different parts of the country.

Quote from This Joke's for You

Al: What, your little bell will send 5,000 volts coursing through my body? [chuckles] While he stands back and yells, "Remember the Al-amo!"
Tim: I just want you to press the bell.
Al: I know... It's just a setup, isn't it? It's one big setup.
Tim: It is not a setup!
Al: Soon you'll start in with the uncalled-for slams against my mother...
Tim: Al.
Al: How she always shops in the husky section. How she wiped out the all-you-can-eat salad bar.
Tim: Al, I simply came out here to put this thing together.
Al: Well, go ahead. Just say it. My mother is a big fat cow!
Tim: Goodness gracious, Al. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford Tools.